bwahahaha!

leaving in 4 days.
HURRAY!!! :D
so much to do...

summer travel?

So I might be going to conference... as a leader
If God blesses the endeavor and grants me support.

Please pray for me!!! This would be such an amazing opportunity!

update:
It's happening!! Actually, really, truly happening. God is SO amazing sometimes. =D

Childcare

There is a special sort of way in which childcare makes a person's brain slowly empty. At first, you try to fight it with intelligent thoughts, little philosophies about how kids learn and grow. After a while, you get acclimated to the wonder- oh, my, what a big jump for such a little person! goodness gracious, she sounds just like a grown-up! (and nevermind the fact that you have to praise these accomplishments profusely when the child shows them off)- and you begin to simply focus on loving the kids. Let them have fun, bond with them, analyze what the dynamics are between you and the child. Is the kid manipulating you? Are you responding adequately? Does he/she really need something? Is he/she sad? What is important to the kid (important for dreaming up punishments)? Eventually this phase fades away too, and you focus on keeping them a) from fighting each other b) from being rude c) from injuring themselves or others d) generally happy and content. This is the next-to-last phase of brainwashing. In the last phase, something in your environment (say, another- comparative- grownup that treats you like a grownup and does NOT talk about children) triggers your memory, and you get back one or two of the thoughts you had in the beginning. You then realize how far your mental processes have fallen, and are discouraged. You'd like to just give the little braggarts back and go away... to a coffee shop and some friends... but no, you can't. You still have to take care of said braggarts, and all friends w/o kids are either miles away or not interested in you anymore because (surprisingly enough- not) all your conversation has become dominated by things children said, did, or are. Thence arises something I've decided to call child-induced misery. not the best name, I know. but what can I expect? I've been watching kids.

I saw a woman today, with a two year old. She looked about as old as a good friend of mine, in her 20's. It shocked me. She made me realize that most mothers are young. Why, just the other day in the park, someone asked me if J (3) was my baby. So a lot of women spend most of their time with children. If the sort of child-induced brainwashing described above is universal (and some other things I've heard lead me to believe that it is) then a lot of women never get the chance to be in mentally challenging situations, which in turn means that they have a smaller chance of maturing and growing emotionally and mentally (unless childcare induces some kind of growth- still not sure about that). I know that for many years women were confined to childcare... so no wonder the Victorians and several other ages thought of women as children. What else did they have the chance to be? I wonder... I wonder... there are lots of other ramifications, but my brain is too fried right now to pursue them.
so goodnight.
enjoy your (and other people's) children. they are precious and beautiful and funny.
but don't let them take over your life.
over 'n out.
k

quiet

Everyone needs a place of solitude. Somewhere they can go, quietly, to let their loud, busy thoughts slow down and let themselves be examined, or let the stupefied, sleepful mind wake up from the bombardment of entertainment. Since there doesn't seem to be any such place here, I have imagined one:
A river. There are rocks everywhere, covered in moss and water like glass cloth. On the banks, a few saplings and the odd fern. There is one especially large, broad rock in the center of the river, right where a band of rocks span the water and make a tiny waterfall. This rock is low, close to the water without being covered by the water's sheet. If you lay on it and close your eyes, you are surrounded by the river's rushing, trickling sound, running smoothly past you to its future. On clear nights, when the stars come out, and the moon makes vague shadows on the ground, anyone can go out there lay down on the rock, hands under their heads and look and think.

how can a person be empty of words? of thoughts? of images? of creativity and imagination?
What can so thoroughly suck the life out of a person? And what does it take to get that life back?

news

I held a baby today. her head fit in my hand. That was about 10 hours ago, and my hands still smell like her... =)

I have a new cousin.

NY

So being in PA meant, of course, that I had to go up to NY for a day or two to see grandpa. He's a stubborn old fella, and felt he had to prove that he still has it- whatever "it" is. So we spent two days walking the streets of New York, taking a million pictures, and eating ice cream. We went to the 2nd Street Deli and to Mamá Mexico and to Coldstone. It was pretty cool. In the end though, despite all the romance and the legend surrounding New York, it's just another city. Ergo: if you love the city, you'll love New York. If you don't like cities, you'll be unimpressed. Me, I love cities. It was so great to be in a place with tall buildings, small streets, and lots and LOTS of people. =)
over 'n out.

PA

So I am now living in the woods. Yesterday I saw two groundhogs, I forget how many squirrels, and a doe. Apparently having seen only one doe is unusual. There are two houses next to this one that are literally being taken over by the woods. You can see them through the tangle because they're white and still somewhat standing upright. I am sure that they are wildlife havens. Out here you can really see the battle between woods and civilization (if you want to call a house or two civilization). Other wildlife includes about 50 billion dust mites and lots of mold, mildew, and moss. Thankfully a lot of this was purged out of the house by its former inhabitants, but we're still fighting. It's kinda nice, really, apart from the whole dust thing. The house has lots of sun and there are trees all around, but at the same time, it isn't in the middle of nowhere.
And now for something, completely different.
I got to hang out with one of my good friends yesterday. I hadn't seen her in a year and a half...
we talked for I think two hours. It was good. Good, in part, to actually see and hear her talk, instead of reading words off a screen. =)
that's all for now, folks. Hope your day is a good one.
over 'n out.