the more things change...

You, esteemed reader, have probably never been this person. You know the one I'm talking about. You've seen the situation at least a thousand times. You're in class/at the office. Someone walks over, asking if anyone has a pen they can borrow. You nod happily, and start rummaging in your bag/desk drawer to find said pen. Then, before you've even spotted the blasted thing (which seems to have gone into hiding for some reason) someone else hands said person their pen, and you are left looking and feeling foolish. Best case scenario, no one noticed that you offered your pen, so no one sees your crestfallen face. Worst case scenario, you were the first to speak up, and you are now labeled (perhaps not in these exact words, but basically) a bumbling fool. This can happen with anything, really. Anywhere where a stranger is asked to step in to help, a bumbling fool can arise. Asking for directions is a big one. Then there's pens, and other writing utensils, and keys, and especially when people need messages delivered.
In every situation, the bumbling fool is soft-hearted, eager to help, and happy to give up their time and/or resources to help the person in question. They see a need, and want to fill it, so they rush headlong into the first solution they think of- without waiting for the best or most expedient. And in every situation, someone else somehow manages to be twice as fast as the fool, and twice as efficient. When the fool gets back or looks up, the need is already filled, and they are left. Hanging.
Why am I telling you this, you ask? How does this tie in to the title? Well, I will tell you. I have always been the bumbling fool. Always, in these situations, no matter how much I grow or how many things I learn.
Recently a girl on the hall got locked out of her room after showering. I happened to be in the hall at the time. Her roommate was at the cafeteria and her phone was off. The poor girl, standing there in her bathrobe, had to be somewhere in 40 minutes, and she wanted action. So, I volunteered to walk over to the cafeteria for her, find her roommate, and the keys. She accepted the offer gratefully, and I did as I'd said. As I walk back to the dorm, a nagging feeling of foolishness starts to tickle my thoughts. "There was probably a quicker way..." and, en effet, when I get back to the hall, bathrobe-girl is nowhere in sight, and the RA is standing there, chatting with a few other girls. That had been another option- the RA's have access to master keys. Apparently, she'd gotten there first. Sigh. Once again, I am the foolish one. And now for the awkward text message to the other girl... "I have your keys... and your ID. I am holding them hostage until tonight. Sorry for embarrassing you in front of those people you were having lunch with. It all turned out ok in the end, haha."
blast. I've done it again.
I do believe I will always be the one left rummaging for her pen.... I wonder how many of the people I've given directions to over the years have gotten lost?
over 'n out.

computer issues

I find it hard to get on the computer and be productive. I always want to get on msn, or facebook, or hulu, and chill out. So though the computer has programs for paper writing and correcting, researching, studying, taking notes, and a myriad of other things, I find myself drawn automatically to the pursuit of time-wastery (yes, i just used a made-up word) starting with e-mail.
Only when almost all sources of entertainment (including blogging... should be working NOW) have been exhausted do I turn my mind to other, more pressing matters. Why is this? Argh.
Self-control. That's what I'll be practicing for the next little while.
Tschüss!

Bookplate-Pasting Thoughts

23-9-08
People often think I'm oblivious when I'm not, which can be very useful. On the other hand, people also tend to think that I know things when I don't, which can be anything from inconvenient to disastrous, depending on how much they think I know.
-----
(After stamping a book w/an author named Andrew)
If Andrew ever writes a book, I will laugh my head off- and then congratulate him profusely.

24-9-08
Blessed are the forgetful,
for they shall not be
burdened with their past.
...or with strange, senseless seeming successions of numbers. (i'm pretty sure i meant call numbers here)

25-9-08
Many people think that they are good listeners. They think this because people often tell them their problems and/or life stories. This is such a widespread phenomena that there's a comic about it. However, I have watched and listened to (not to mention overheard. ;) ) a lot of people, and my experience is that, if you define a good listener as someone who cares about the person they are listening to and their problems, most people are actually not very good at it at all. So do these alleged listeners really get dumped on because they are good listeners, or is it because our culture makes us good talkers? I think it is the latter. We dump on everyone. We exchange stories as a way of relating to each other. But if a person doesn't have their own tales to contribute, or if they seem sufficiently sympathetic, then things change. Often a person will end up telling someone their life story, without ascertaining, first, if that someone even cares or wants to hear it. It's more about the talking than the listening.
From a completely different angle, I also think that we are bad listeners. If we were good listeners, even despite the fact that people were dumping on us, we would care, not complain.

Confessions

I think there are a couple things I need to admit to myself... just admit, not pore over. But not ignore either.
- the idea of a permanent and perfect "home" almost brought me to tears last week.
- i depend on certain people, good friends, to be my real social interaction, instead of looking for that where i am
- i have refused to do much/any work this week because i would much rather hide from the fact of my current existence.
and there you have it.
these are the things i have been hiding from, but which lurk in the back of my consciousness. you can laugh at them. they are probably funny to someone with different values from mine, or different experiences.
it's just a fact i have to live with... though i call "home" wherever my bed and stuff happen to be at the moment (even if that's a hotel)
i don't have a home. i probably never will.
over 'n out.

Professors & Students

So my college's website has this restricted-access page that profs can't access, where students can say whatever they want about classes, teachers, teaching styles, etc. I have explored it a couple times now, looking for other peoples' impressions on the classes I'm taking and to see what I can expect from my professors. The funny thing is, if you believed everything on this website, you'd think all the professors here were absolutely TERRIBLE. They grade hard. They are erratic. They don't lecture. They arrive late to class. They don't give you enough time to make up your work. They forget to correct your papers or grade them. Almost everybody has something to vent about. The most common phrase in there is "DO NOT TAKE THIS PROFESSOR"- or similar. My theory is that you have to gage the amount of negativity in the post... and translate from there.
The fact is that after school in Europe, I'm used to bizarre professors. At least, in the countries I and some of my friends have experience with, strange behavior from professors is the norm. They throw chalk at you, pick a student for their own personal vendetta, make fun of you in class, expose and laugh at the mistakes in your assignments for all to hear, tell you to act stupider so you won't get ahead of the class.... you name it, it's probably happened. You learn, in time, to work around these quirks. You learn to avoid them or make use of them, or just let things roll off your back and try to get a good grade. Usually if you use your head, you end up getting along just fine, and having some great stories to tell later. So when I talked to someone yesterday and they started complaining about how the prof only likes guys, and how hard she grades, etc. all I could do was laugh inside. As far as I can tell, this prof is pretty decent, no gender discrimination. She grades hard, yes, but she teaches grammar- so is that really such a surprise?
The way I see it, professors are people (no one will dispute me that, I think) and as people, they have their own peculiarities. What point is there in being so self-absorbed you don't try to understand them and work with them? It will only hurt your grade, and make you miserable.
Please, self-absorbed student. Look up. Look around. There's a world out there around you. With more important things in it than whether everyone else does things exactly the way you want them to. Learn to love a little. Cut people some slack and let them be people.
over 'n out.

Careless

College students are some of the most careless people, as regards stuff, that I have ever met. Well, excepting toddlers. Still, I'm not going there right now. See, I've been walking around campus for about two weeks now, and I keep finding things people have lost: about 10 hair ties, 8 pens, 2 pencils, a necklace, a blackberry (yeah, the phone), lip-balm, and a key, among other things. What's even more interesting though, is that I also tend to find the people these things belong to. Not the pens and pencils, but the necklace turned out to belong to my RA, the blackberry to a guy standing on the sidewalk talking to his mother, and one of the hair ties to my best friend.
How do these things happen? Why does no-one else see? Makes me wonder if anyone but me has noticed the weirdly strong cobwebs that grow all over the holly bushes....
over 'n out!
the slightly-more-observant person

P for Procrastination

Well, that is what I'm doing now and what I've done all weekend. Alternately worked on the easy stuff and procrastinated the hard stuff. Now I'm blogging in the hopes of regaining my focus...
hah. I'm off to amuse myself elsewhere....
tschüβ, mein Lektor. Hoffentlich geht dein Tag besser als meiner...
(p.s.: my German skills have taken a rapid turn for the better lately, though. ;) )