Clase de Mates

Estabamos sentados en clase de mates. El profe, un tal Capafons, nos habia sentado por orden de lista, y la lista me habia puesto al lado de un chico. Se llamaba Alex Castro, pero todos le llamaban Castro. Yo casi no lo conocia, por entonces.
Ese dia, estaba de mal humor. El profe nos habia puesto varios problemas algebraicos para resolver, y todos trabajaban (bueno, en teoria) estudiosamente. Con el Capafons no se bromeaba, era de esos profes super estrictos y claro, a nadie le gustaba. Tenia un talento para echar bronca de manera que te dejaba sin palabras. Era el maestro de la ironia y de alguna manera hacia que pareciera que eras tu, el que te habias hecho el tonto.
Bueno, como decia, el Castro estaba de mal humor ese dia en particular. Yo, que por entonces aun estaba en mi fase mas timida, me preocupaba por mi trabajo. Castro, que se habia frustrado con un problema, levanto la mano para que viniera el profe para ayudarle. El profe, que veia que el Castro estaba intentando de buena gana resolver el problema, se lo volvio a explicar, intentando obligarle que pensara y al final lo resolviera el solo. En medio de una explicacion, me pregunto a mi si tenia razon- para llamarme la atencion, mas que nada. Me habria visto mirarlos de reojo, escuchando secretamente lo que estaban hablando. Recuerdo muy claramente que el Castro le interrumpio diciendo enfadado: "Dejala, profe, que esta en su mundo!"
Yo los ignore a los dos. El profe dijo, "No te creas... ella nota mas de lo que tu pienses." o algo por el estilo. Volvieron a hablar de las mates.
Ultimamente me he acordado un par de veces de ese momento. No se exactamente por que. Supongo que sera porque he estado pensando en como conoci a las personas en mi vida que acabaron siendo importantes. En los anyos siguientes, llegue a conocer mejor al Castro. Incluso nos hicimos amigos. Es curioso, no, como son de diferentes la manera en que piensas de una persona cuando aun no la conoces, y la manera en que piensas de el o ella si ya llevas tiempo conociendole? En esta nueva etapa de mi vida, miro a la gente a mi alrededor. Pienso en la manera en que los conozco y me pregunto cuales de ellos seran importantes en mi futuro.
No se si fue muy importante, aquella clase de mates. Pero me alegro de recordarla, aunque sea por el mero hecho de saber que tengo un pasado, una historia.

A, y perdona por la falta de acentos- este punyetero teclado ingles me raya mas de lo que puedo expresar. T.T

Several

I have thought of several things, lately, that I could write about on here. Deep, useful, insightful things. Curious things. Things that would probably interest only me. Funny things.
But at this moment, in this instant of the rushing, sliding, slithering thing that is time, I feel the need to communicate one thought to the void:

I cannot (coherently) write (papers) after 11:30 PM.
Not if I want to get readable, non-stupid results.

With that, I bid the void good night.

(Do voids notice night? Would they care if they did? Why should they? What would a map of the internet look like?)

The Most Beautiful Christmas Carol

Oh Holy Night

Oh holy night,
the stars are brightly shining
it is the night
of our dear Saviour's birth.

Long lay the world
in sin and error pining
'til he appeared,
and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope,
the weary world rejoices;
for yonder breaks
a new and glorious morn!

Fall on your knees
oh hear the angel voices!
Oh night divine!
oh night, when Christ was born.
Oh night divine
oh night, oh night divine.

I like this hymn, mostly I think because of the second and third verses. Kind of reminds me of Anne oGG- a thrill of hope. Such wonderful words. A thrill of hope. Can you imagine?

don't let me rest

It has now been 12 weeks- 3 months since college started. Since August 23rd, I have not spent even 24 hours away from this campus. I have gotten some strange looks and many questions about this decision. Let me try to explain the reasons behind and the effects of this decision.
I have a history of moving. My parents and I counted it up one time, I think we've had just over 20 residences since they've had me- including changing countries various times. The upshot of this history is, I know how to move. I know what it feels like. So when I moved to college, I decided that I would treat it like moving anywhere else: I would dive in. Completely. Once here, there was no going back to the things I knew or the things I was accustomed to. That's one reason that I did not leave.
Of course, like all moves, it has been exhausting at times. There have been weeks where I just had no energy, no... desire left in me to try to engage this new world. But with the help of friends both old and new, I managed to move through, and persevere.
Now, as it turns out, though I have made much progress, I am exhausted. Burnt out is too strong a word, but it's close. If I let myself rest though...
Who knows what will happen when I have to come back? That, friends, is my dilemma. As Thanksgiving and Christmas approach I have to wonder if it will be better for me to go back to places and people I am comfortable with, though parting will be sorrowful.
I don't know...
I just want to make it.
Is this what grown-up life is always like?

So today in class we were talking about sustainability and such. I found myself being angry, and not wanting to participate, and I'm not entirely sure why. The thing about it is, I didn't feel like I had anything to say, really. I mean, sure I've been told my whole life that it's important to turn the light off when you leave a room, not leave the water running while you brush your teeth, etc, but when you get really deep into thinking about it, and how one could make sustainability work... it just ends up making my head hurt. How can one possibly get so many people motivated? How can you get the rich people to give up their riches? There just isn't any viable way that I can see. I'm all for saving paper and recycling, and being sparing and such, but... I don't know, I just think that it will be very difficult to make the change in modern society that seems to be required.

The fact of the matter is that it's all about leading people. SOMEone has to have good leadership skills and be able to move things along- and when I say leadership skills, I don't just mean convincing people that there are things that need to be done. I mean basic motivation. It goes back to the basic motivation for doing things. Here I am, using this writing tool that "punishes" me if I don't continue to write. Why is that? Because I can't motivate myself to write on my own. It's the same with people on a larger scale. Unless there are consequences- visible consequences, that is, because there are always consequences- for the things we do, the products we waste and make, there is no way people are going to want to change. Another problem is that the problem is SO widespread. The people who do the consuming are so far from the people doing the producing. And they have no immediate power to change what is being done. The only thing we are consistently told will help is doing things like turning lights off, using as little water as possible, unplugging appliances- a.k.a., doing our best not to use the resources that are already being exploited. The problem with that is, there's no way it will ever change the system. There is no way that simply using less will
ever stop the system because, no matter how little we are actually using, there will always be enough people using the system to keep it in profits. No matter how small those profits may be, they are more than the system would get by trying to re-write itself. The only way the system will be re-written is if a) the vast majority of people decide to change it or b) it becomes so unprofitable that the only way the people running it can keep their way of life is if they pitch in with changing the system. I don't see how that can happen.

Makes Me Wonder

And now for something, completely different. =) A little bit of random fun, 'cause why be philosophical ALL the time? ;)

1. Put your iPod on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing the meme as well as the person you got the meme from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Bring in the Clowns (lol! of course.)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Daylight Robbery

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Sometimes love

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
Church (LOL!!!)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Yo Te Respondere

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Goodnight and go (aw! really guys? i thought better of you...)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Sorry-grateful

WHAT IS 2+2?
You make it easy to fall in love

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
(I've got a gal in) Kalamazoo (I had no idea you lived there!! You tricked me... )

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
April and Me

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Kiwi

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
It's Good to be in Love

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Bang a Drum

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Sooner Surrender (that's right ladies and gentlemen... watch yourselves!)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Remember?

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Untitled Hymn (Come to Jesus)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Must be Dreaming (aye. that it must.)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Let go. ( 'cause I ain't tellin'! duh. what sort of a question is that?!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Suspended (the jury is out.)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Secret (nope, not telling. wild horses couldn't drag it from me! and that's not even my biggest secret! - hah, thought you had me, din'cha?)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Prone to Wander (haha. i knew that wandering spirit would get me in trouble some day!)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
Not Everlasting

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Hungry like the wolf (yeah, i've always thought ravenous people were kinda funny... O.o)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Hundred (yes, numbers have always been a tricky subject with me. :P)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Por el Suenyo de Dios

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Monday Mornings (yeah. yuck. there's just no excuse for monday mornings.)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
It Would have been wonderful (hahaha. aww. i'm just that likeable.)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Now/Later/Soon (obviously time is just a bunch of wibbly, wobbly timey-wimey anyway, so who knows what i could change?)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
All I want is you (ah, so many people to miss...)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
Makes me wonder

Mysteries of the Universe

H, Li, Na, K, Rb, Cs, Fr, Be, Mg, Ca, Sr, Ba, Ra, B, Al, Ga, In, Tl, C, Si, Ge, Sn, Pb, N, P, As, Sb, Bi, O, S, Se, T, Po, F, Cl, Br, I, At, He, Ne, Ar, Kr, Xe, Rn.
Mn, Fe, Co, Ni, Cu, Zn, Pd, Ag, Cd, Pt, Au, Hg.


Meet the mysteries of the universe. They're everywhere, in different proportions and configurations, with electrons zipping around them at death-defying speeds (hah! electrons aren't alive...). They make things explode, light up, move, exist. They are never seen properly, but they're seen all the time as a collective. They're all we see, and a lot of what we don't. It's true what Charles Wallace says in Madeleine L'Engle's book... if you shrank matter down, took out all the empty space, you'd be smaller than your pinky's fingernail.
Imagine.
Really, don't you ever wonder at the universe, at existence?
I can't think about it for too long...