Phones

I am here to whine about phones. Specifically, about the "advances" of technology. The first two I feel very strongly about - the others I could see how they'd be just a matter of personal preference.

a) I like number pads on a phone. It just makes sense. My phone is not a mini-laptop, I don't need a full keyboard. Just sayin'.

b) What is the big deal with touch screens? Can we please get over them? They're not that cool. You're not actually manipulating real objects, fyi. Also, they get grimy very quickly. What happened to all those years when grown ups around you were shouting "DON'T TOUCH THE SCREEN!" or "DON'T SMUDGE THE PHOTOS!" or "DON'T TOUCH THE WINDOW, YOU'LL GET FINGERPRINTS ALL OVER IT". It's like all these admonitions just vanished overnight, or as if technology had been taken over by vindictive eight-year-olds.

c) Wi-fi. While I can see how it might be useful to have google maps on your phone (I get lost WAY too often for my own good), there's a reason they started calling Blackberries "crackberries". It's just not healthy to be living with the internet in my pocket - sorry, in my hand, 'cause if I DID have internet on my phone, I'd never leave it for the real world.

d) Why are phones so BIG? I thought we were over that! I thought we figured out how to make them as small as playing cards and as thin as pencils. That was awesome! What happened? (redirect: QWERTY keyboards).

And with that, I'm done for the moment. But seriously y'all. Think about the touch screen ridiculousness.
...
My dad likes to say that technology is shifting to a new paradigm, and that those of us who like to push buttons are going to be out of luck pretty soon. *sigh*

And now for something completely different:

"We need to restore the honor of the cucumber!"
- Francesco Sosa-Wagner