I know. It's been a long while. I made a new blog. Don't hurt me.
But I'm here again.
And more than that, I'm here again. In this place where I have to write, but don't want to.
In looking over my posts for the past... oh wow. the past years - almost all the years of my college life (and only almost 'cause I'm not done yet) - I notice that there's a definite spike in blogposts during finals week. That and November. Go figure. I have no idea why November, but there it is.
I know why. I know the process. I'm frustrated by papers I don't want to write, school and I get into a fight, and I come to my blog to let off steam. I'm sure it makes for boring reading. Heck, this post contains the word "I" 15 times already. Probably 'cause it's so dang annoying not to be able to write papers in the 1st person. Or maybe not. Who knows.
Tonight, however, I'm facing the most pressure I've ever faced (if my memory isn't failing me - which it probably is, 'cause memories are never accurate. hear that? NEVER. memorize that fact. anyway...)
This semester, all my finals were papers. They all required 8 pages of me. The first one I turned in was exactly 8. The second was 13, but with corrections will probably end up being 15. The third currently is exactly 3/4 of a page. And it's due tomorrow at 4:30. I've never had this bad of a time-crunch.
So, why are you in this predicament, you ask. Well... because I intentionally left all of my writing until finals week. Yeah, yeah, I know, bad strategy. But I did most of the background work before finals. It was just the actual writing that had to be done, and my semesters have been getting progressively more demanding of my time. So I thought hey, it'll be fine, just leave the paper-writing for the week where all you have to do is write papers. Square peg, square hole, everyone can go home happy.
But here I sit, after 5 and a half days of intense synthesizing, outlining, reviewing, researching, and writing... and I'm bushed. I feel, as one friend so eloquently put it, like I'm on mile 22 of a marathon. It's 9pm. I was supposed to have at least 4 pages by now.... maybe I'll be there by 11. Maybe if I put my pedal to the metal and grit my teeth and crank it out, I'll have 4 pages by 11.
Here's hoping. I'm putting on my game face (more like rummaging around in the back of my mind's dusty attic, trying to remember where I put it) and- ahem! putting on my game face and writing.
okay. ready? GO!
(if you're still reading this, you must be suuuper bored (or avoiding other stuff you have to do, like me), so here's something else to keep you busy: go back through the archives and see how many times I've written a post just like this one. I bet it's at least 3. Bonne chance!)
______________________
Well, it is now 11 and I have 3 pages, and I'm getting into the flow of it. Things are looking up (slash looking possible). w00t!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Yoghurt
In the realm of the completely random and quite mundane:
Okay, so... you know how plain yoghurt gets that nasty weird greeny/yellow liquid in it if you eat half the container and then leave it in the fridge for a couple days?
Well, the other day I thought about eating some, so I stirred it up, but then it was SO liquidy that I decided I didn't want it. So like the lazy bum that I am, I left it in the fridge for the next several days... and today, while rummaging around trying to find a good mayonnaise substitute, I reach for the yoghurt, only to find that it has more than doubled in volume! It is the same one, because we haven't bought any more yoghurt, and it's not all gel-like like the new stuff is (you know what I'm talking about, don't pretend).
So, long story short... my yoghurt is sorta freaking me out a little. I know there's a live culture in there, but in chem they really hammered "preservation of mass" into my head. And, while there may or may not be more mass (I didn't weigh the thing) there is WAY more volume.
And I was remembering friends telling me that their mothers had made their own yoghurt by getting whole milk and some left over yoghurt and letting them sit for a while... is that possible with my poor little week-old tub of freshly-stirred yoghurt?
Only the internet can tell me. xD But I'm a little intimidated by the idea of searching in forums.
So I'm gonna just assume it's perfectly natural and safe to eat. O.O
Talk about bizarre foods.
peace.
PP.
Okay, so... you know how plain yoghurt gets that nasty weird greeny/yellow liquid in it if you eat half the container and then leave it in the fridge for a couple days?
Well, the other day I thought about eating some, so I stirred it up, but then it was SO liquidy that I decided I didn't want it. So like the lazy bum that I am, I left it in the fridge for the next several days... and today, while rummaging around trying to find a good mayonnaise substitute, I reach for the yoghurt, only to find that it has more than doubled in volume! It is the same one, because we haven't bought any more yoghurt, and it's not all gel-like like the new stuff is (you know what I'm talking about, don't pretend).
So, long story short... my yoghurt is sorta freaking me out a little. I know there's a live culture in there, but in chem they really hammered "preservation of mass" into my head. And, while there may or may not be more mass (I didn't weigh the thing) there is WAY more volume.
And I was remembering friends telling me that their mothers had made their own yoghurt by getting whole milk and some left over yoghurt and letting them sit for a while... is that possible with my poor little week-old tub of freshly-stirred yoghurt?
Only the internet can tell me. xD But I'm a little intimidated by the idea of searching in forums.
So I'm gonna just assume it's perfectly natural and safe to eat. O.O
Talk about bizarre foods.
peace.
PP.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Today I went to the pool, with my (pretty!) new bathing suit and swam until I was tired of it.
And let me tell you, it's really good to feel that ache that lets you know you've been moving.
Getting your heart rate up reminds you that you're alive, makes you feel limber.
You get to rejoice because the tiredness you feel at the end of the day isn't just a mental need for sleep; it's the tiredness of a body well-exerted.
And do you know what? I'm SO doing that again. I want physical exertion to be as much a part of my day as eating. After all, if we were meant to only be mentally engaged all the time, why would we have these amazing things called bodies?
*steps down from the soapbox*
*wonders if the boxes people stood on to speak really were soapboxes*
*tries to imagine boxes in which soap was kept*
*realizes they must have been wood, b/c cardboard wouldn't hold up*
*is impressed by the amount of time, history, and pure quirkiness behind that silly little phrase*
*laughs at herself by typing up the whole thought process*
and THAT is what we call postmodernism.
PEACE
PP.
And let me tell you, it's really good to feel that ache that lets you know you've been moving.
Getting your heart rate up reminds you that you're alive, makes you feel limber.
You get to rejoice because the tiredness you feel at the end of the day isn't just a mental need for sleep; it's the tiredness of a body well-exerted.
And do you know what? I'm SO doing that again. I want physical exertion to be as much a part of my day as eating. After all, if we were meant to only be mentally engaged all the time, why would we have these amazing things called bodies?
*steps down from the soapbox*
*wonders if the boxes people stood on to speak really were soapboxes*
*tries to imagine boxes in which soap was kept*
*realizes they must have been wood, b/c cardboard wouldn't hold up*
*is impressed by the amount of time, history, and pure quirkiness behind that silly little phrase*
*laughs at herself by typing up the whole thought process*
and THAT is what we call postmodernism.
PEACE
PP.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Keeping Score
Weddings
Melody & Joe
Delice & Jonas
A-P & T
John & Carolyn
Merritt & Christine
Stephanie & Eddie
Babies
Kyran - Merritt & Christine - 2010
Elijah - Delice & Jonas - April 1, 2011
Isaac - Josiah & Erin - April 2, 2011
Josiah - Amber & Josh - May 29, 2011
Life's getting crazier by the minute, y'all.
Melody & Joe
Delice & Jonas
A-P & T
John & Carolyn
Merritt & Christine
Stephanie & Eddie
Babies
Kyran - Merritt & Christine - 2010
Elijah - Delice & Jonas - April 1, 2011
Isaac - Josiah & Erin - April 2, 2011
Josiah - Amber & Josh - May 29, 2011
Life's getting crazier by the minute, y'all.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
On becoming a Foodie
Latest cooking exploits include:
Whole-wheat muffins with jam/cream cheese in the middle.
Vegetarian Lasagna
Next up:
Battenburg cake. Just for the heck of it.
Other exploits from this summer include:
Orange sorbet
Marinating chicken (an art all its own... yikes!)
Pesto from scratch (w/o a blender. again, yikes!)
Frozen mango
Pizza - incl. marinara sauce and crust (still no blender)
Baking things w/whole wheat white flour (cookies, mostly)
Egg salad
Tabbouleh
Experiments w/rye berries
Spinach salads
Friday, July 8, 2011
Two words: Credit Cards
Let us all pause for a moment and consider the imbecility of credit cards.
Have you considered it? Or are you just wondering what I mean? Because what I mean is that, quite simply, the system is silly. Bonkers. Off its rocker.
How credit works:
1. I have money in my bank account.
2. I get a card with a company that has no connection whatsoever to my bank or my money. This company allows me to spend their money.
3. I then pay the company with money out of my bank account.
This process, and the faithfulness with which I repay the company its mini-loan, is supposed to establish for the general fiscal community my trustworthiness.
If you simply want to buy things with money that you have, this is a dumb idea; too many unnecessary steps. However, as lots of us want to buy very expensive things with money that we don't have (say an education, for instance, or a car, or a house), the idea of establishing trustworthiness makes a little more sense. As an aside, I would like to point out that, in my opinion, those things are not worth their "market value" - when you translate it into loans and work and stress and hassle and years. However, let's get along with the whole proving-you're-reliable business.
There are a lot of corrupt things about the credit industry, of which I'm only vaguely aware and so not ready to discuss here. What concerns me at the moment is that this system is painfully difficult to break into. Because of course, the company that is lending you their money wants to know that you'll be faithful to pay it back. After all, they can hound you for more and more money, claiming that you owe them, but in the end, if its not there, all they really get for their trouble is a lot of hassle and the satisfaction of making you miserable - neither of which line their pockets. So its a closed system. If you don't have a history of "good credit" then you're on the same level as someone who has a history of "bad credit".
What I get from all this is that we have gone to a lot of trouble to make an already complex human interaction (negotiation for something of value) infinitely more complicated by trying to sort it out with red tape.
Am I surprised by this? No. No, it is reflected anywhere a system has been set up and then let loose. I am, however, hurt and annoyed by the whole process. Because you see, while I don't mind setting out to prove that I am fiscally trustworthy, it annoys the hell out of me to have to deal with all the complication, dissembling, and straight up corruption of the business.
I cannot help but admire those who are able to understand and cope with the business world, because the more I see of it, the more nauseated I become.
Have you considered it? Or are you just wondering what I mean? Because what I mean is that, quite simply, the system is silly. Bonkers. Off its rocker.
How credit works:
1. I have money in my bank account.
2. I get a card with a company that has no connection whatsoever to my bank or my money. This company allows me to spend their money.
3. I then pay the company with money out of my bank account.
This process, and the faithfulness with which I repay the company its mini-loan, is supposed to establish for the general fiscal community my trustworthiness.
If you simply want to buy things with money that you have, this is a dumb idea; too many unnecessary steps. However, as lots of us want to buy very expensive things with money that we don't have (say an education, for instance, or a car, or a house), the idea of establishing trustworthiness makes a little more sense. As an aside, I would like to point out that, in my opinion, those things are not worth their "market value" - when you translate it into loans and work and stress and hassle and years. However, let's get along with the whole proving-you're-reliable business.
There are a lot of corrupt things about the credit industry, of which I'm only vaguely aware and so not ready to discuss here. What concerns me at the moment is that this system is painfully difficult to break into. Because of course, the company that is lending you their money wants to know that you'll be faithful to pay it back. After all, they can hound you for more and more money, claiming that you owe them, but in the end, if its not there, all they really get for their trouble is a lot of hassle and the satisfaction of making you miserable - neither of which line their pockets. So its a closed system. If you don't have a history of "good credit" then you're on the same level as someone who has a history of "bad credit".
What I get from all this is that we have gone to a lot of trouble to make an already complex human interaction (negotiation for something of value) infinitely more complicated by trying to sort it out with red tape.
Am I surprised by this? No. No, it is reflected anywhere a system has been set up and then let loose. I am, however, hurt and annoyed by the whole process. Because you see, while I don't mind setting out to prove that I am fiscally trustworthy, it annoys the hell out of me to have to deal with all the complication, dissembling, and straight up corruption of the business.
I cannot help but admire those who are able to understand and cope with the business world, because the more I see of it, the more nauseated I become.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Car trouble
Long story short, my car won't start for love or money. This evening, after much trial and tribulation, it was towed. Sigh. And now I'm a pinioned bird - a dead electrical system pulled out my flight feathers.
Long story long? Let's not go there. Even I don't want to hear the whole thing.
Thank you, God for my car not working anymore. Like Betsie ten Boom thanking you for the fleas, I don't much like this, but I have faith that, somehow, it will glorify you.
Peace.
PP
Long story long? Let's not go there. Even I don't want to hear the whole thing.
Thank you, God for my car not working anymore. Like Betsie ten Boom thanking you for the fleas, I don't much like this, but I have faith that, somehow, it will glorify you.
Peace.
PP
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Texting
Dear Jojo,
Thanks for signing your texts. This way, there is absolutely no chance of mistaking who they're from. To be honest, I sorta wish you had just stuck to calling me on the phone. On the other hand, I'm proud of you for wanting to master the new technology. That makes you pretty BA - and you most definitely get an A+ for effort.
love,
your granddaughter.
Thanks for signing your texts. This way, there is absolutely no chance of mistaking who they're from. To be honest, I sorta wish you had just stuck to calling me on the phone. On the other hand, I'm proud of you for wanting to master the new technology. That makes you pretty BA - and you most definitely get an A+ for effort.
love,
your granddaughter.
Monday, June 27, 2011
The Epics 3
Jane Eyre, by Charlotte Brontë
This week I read Jane Eyre. It has been a long time since I could not put a book down. What engrossing language, vivid descriptions, real characters! It was full of words I didn't know, passages in French, antique phrasings, and lovely imagery. The ring of truth was a thread that wound its way through every page, leaving no paragraph untinged by its radiance.
Lol. The accent of the writing has got into my head.
Seriously though. One of the things I loved about this book was how it a) stretched my powers of text-comprehension as I read it, b) portrayed real human beings, who lived in accordance with truth and justice as they saw them.
Next up, The Eyre Affair (which is an old favorite, if not an epic).
This week I read Jane Eyre. It has been a long time since I could not put a book down. What engrossing language, vivid descriptions, real characters! It was full of words I didn't know, passages in French, antique phrasings, and lovely imagery. The ring of truth was a thread that wound its way through every page, leaving no paragraph untinged by its radiance.
Lol. The accent of the writing has got into my head.
Seriously though. One of the things I loved about this book was how it a) stretched my powers of text-comprehension as I read it, b) portrayed real human beings, who lived in accordance with truth and justice as they saw them.
Next up, The Eyre Affair (which is an old favorite, if not an epic).
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Talkers
I have a lot of friends who like to talk.
That is good, because I like to listen.
What my talkative friends may forget is that I sometimes like to talk, too.
Often the mark of a close friend in my life is that that person knows how and when to give me space to say my piece.**************************
In other news...
Why do I even bother cooking? I'm SO much better at baking!
Oh, right, 'cause I have to eat human food, not pure carbs. Riiiight.
Tonight's recipes: Cheesy potatoes (we'll see if they're any good. I mean... can you really go wrong with potatoes and cheese?) and Banana bread (which is AMAZING, if I do say so myself).
Next exciting summer recipe: empanadas. (I have no idea how to make these, I just thought of it just now b/c it combines baking and cooking... kinda) Right after the orange sorbet and mounds of pasta. Ahem.
NEXT exciting summer recipe: orange sorbet, followed by mounds of bowtie pasta with at least 3 different, fascinating sauces. w00t.
The Epics 2
In my list of epics...
Third: Anna and the King
An English woman moves to Siam with her son, Louis, to be schoolteacher to the King's son. In the events that ensue, she makes a school for the King's 68 children, liberates a slave, teaches the King's son about justice and slavery, saves the royal family from certain death (a traitor in the King's court attempts a coup), saving the King's life and enabling him to kill the traitor, falls in love with the King and causes him to fall in love with her. She always speaks her mind, does not depart from her values and standards, and remains upright under pressure. The future of the country is changed because of her presence at the heart of the royal family.
I absolutely loved this movie for its intricacy, complexity, and the verisimilitude of its characters. Also for the way evil and moral decay/decline were bested and defeated at every turn. It reminds me of a quote by C. S. Lewis:
"Real things are sharp and knobbly and complicated and different."
Third: Anna and the King
An English woman moves to Siam with her son, Louis, to be schoolteacher to the King's son. In the events that ensue, she makes a school for the King's 68 children, liberates a slave, teaches the King's son about justice and slavery, saves the royal family from certain death (a traitor in the King's court attempts a coup), saving the King's life and enabling him to kill the traitor, falls in love with the King and causes him to fall in love with her. She always speaks her mind, does not depart from her values and standards, and remains upright under pressure. The future of the country is changed because of her presence at the heart of the royal family.
I absolutely loved this movie for its intricacy, complexity, and the verisimilitude of its characters. Also for the way evil and moral decay/decline were bested and defeated at every turn. It reminds me of a quote by C. S. Lewis:
"Real things are sharp and knobbly and complicated and different."
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Wrong Answer
My grandparents, my sister and I sat in the restaurant-booth. As we waited for the food to arrive, we conversed with a comparative ease and fluency that surprised me. My sister and I had put off setting a specific date and time for this particular dinner for weeks and weeks, both of us dreading it. You see, the great danger with my mother's parents, is that my grandmother is a monologuer - which wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't for the fact that her favorite subjects tend to be either too boring or too controversial for comfortable conversation. Dinner with her, we expected, would consist of her talking volubly while my grandfather sat sullenly, eating his meal, and we attempted to listen as politely as we could, dutifully returning the love our grandparents were attempting to lavish on us. But that was not how the evening went at all. As I said before, we conversed with comparative ease and fluency, telling stories and teasing one another. And naturally, one of the things my grandfather asked, in a joking sort of way, was what I intended to do after college. After all, he said, college, he'd been told, was the time a person is given to decide what they want to do. So I told him. I said, "Well, I'm going to teach English as a second language." and then, laughingly, "...but I only decided that two weeks ago, so don't ask too many questions yet!" To which my grandmother replied by asking where I would go to work, meaning where in the world. And I, high on having successfully both made my grandfather laugh and avoided an in-depth analysis of my Next Step in Life, replied, with another laugh in my voice, "That's the wrong question." - and immediately thought to myself, "and that was the wrong answer," because my grandmother turned from me, as if I had struck her a blow to the face. We didn't talk about my Future any more.
That wasn't the end of the night, by any means, and I hope I behaved more respectfully for the rest of it. But it made me think. This being equal with adults thing is an extremely hard balance to strike. How do you honor your father and mother, while being autonomous and an adult? What do you do with loving inquiries into matters on which you feel you're coming along just fine, thank-you-very-much? What is the best way to show your family, as an emerging adult, that you love and appreciate them? Despite my grandparents not being the funnest people to be around, I do love them dearly, and I know the feeling is mutual (if not stronger on their part). I was truly privileged tonight to hear many new and different stories from their lives that I had never heard before, and to hear the echoes of the years they have spent together; years spent with my mother and her sisters, my family. I was touched, once again, by their generosity, and how they crave the affection of their grandchildren, and how they want to take care of us, and make sure we will be provided for. They showered us in demonstrations of love. They made great effort to get us to agree to go to dinner with them, to take us out to a nice restaurant, to clean their kitchen; my grandmother even tried making a new kind of cake! They were so kind and generous, and of all the emotions I find within myself after this amazing blessing of a meeting, I am surprised and upset to find shame. Have I loved them well? I don't know that I can satisfactorily answer yes. But I don't want to be that grandchild. You know. The thankless one. I am thankful. But those words are not enough. What to do? Sigh. With this mash of mixed emotions (though mostly grateful ones), I shall go to sleep. Because you can't decide anything properly at one in the morning.
TBC.
PP.
That wasn't the end of the night, by any means, and I hope I behaved more respectfully for the rest of it. But it made me think. This being equal with adults thing is an extremely hard balance to strike. How do you honor your father and mother, while being autonomous and an adult? What do you do with loving inquiries into matters on which you feel you're coming along just fine, thank-you-very-much? What is the best way to show your family, as an emerging adult, that you love and appreciate them? Despite my grandparents not being the funnest people to be around, I do love them dearly, and I know the feeling is mutual (if not stronger on their part). I was truly privileged tonight to hear many new and different stories from their lives that I had never heard before, and to hear the echoes of the years they have spent together; years spent with my mother and her sisters, my family. I was touched, once again, by their generosity, and how they crave the affection of their grandchildren, and how they want to take care of us, and make sure we will be provided for. They showered us in demonstrations of love. They made great effort to get us to agree to go to dinner with them, to take us out to a nice restaurant, to clean their kitchen; my grandmother even tried making a new kind of cake! They were so kind and generous, and of all the emotions I find within myself after this amazing blessing of a meeting, I am surprised and upset to find shame. Have I loved them well? I don't know that I can satisfactorily answer yes. But I don't want to be that grandchild. You know. The thankless one. I am thankful. But those words are not enough. What to do? Sigh. With this mash of mixed emotions (though mostly grateful ones), I shall go to sleep. Because you can't decide anything properly at one in the morning.
TBC.
PP.
List of...
Things I ought to do in the near future, by urgency:
-Finish/mail my letter to C. (done)
-Finish/mail my letter to A. (done)
-Talk to/catch up with Ashley.
-Ditto for Angelica.
-Go help Ashley and Angelica pack/prep for moving.
-Ask to hang out with Joni & Sarah & Joanna for serious-talk time.
-Find a time to actually hang out with Michelle A. and Melissa.
-Take a "vacation" and see/spend time with my family before they all move away in the fall and I have to roadtrip to see them.
-Make sure I continue to hang out semi-consistently with: Bethaney, Stacey, Rachel, Amber, Michelle, Melissa, Joni, Sarah, Joanna, Lindsey, Ashley, and Angelica.
-Make sure I talk to: Hana, Annalisa, Ann-Phyllis.
-Answer Preston's e-mail
-Determine, once-and-for-all, how I want to overhaul my wardrobe, and what I want to be in it when I'm done.
Things I would like to do:
-To see Amber J's baby.
-Spend a weekend with D&J and little Elijah! That should probably be toward the end of the summer though... plans!
-What about Ellen & co? Could I spend time with them somehow this summer?
Etc. Oh, having a social life. xD
-Finish/mail my letter to C. (done)
-Finish/mail my letter to A. (done)
-Talk to/catch up with Ashley.
-Ditto for Angelica.
-Go help Ashley and Angelica pack/prep for moving.
-Ask to hang out with Joni & Sarah & Joanna for serious-talk time.
-Find a time to actually hang out with Michelle A. and Melissa.
-Take a "vacation" and see/spend time with my family before they all move away in the fall and I have to roadtrip to see them.
-Make sure I continue to hang out semi-consistently with: Bethaney, Stacey, Rachel, Amber, Michelle, Melissa, Joni, Sarah, Joanna, Lindsey, Ashley, and Angelica.
-Make sure I talk to: Hana, Annalisa, Ann-Phyllis.
-Answer Preston's e-mail
-Determine, once-and-for-all, how I want to overhaul my wardrobe, and what I want to be in it when I'm done.
Things I would like to do:
-To see Amber J's baby.
-Spend a weekend with D&J and little Elijah! That should probably be toward the end of the summer though... plans!
-What about Ellen & co? Could I spend time with them somehow this summer?
Etc. Oh, having a social life. xD
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
It's official.
There's a small wasp-nest in my doorway.
Know what else is official?
It's coming down. Mission Nest-Removal begins tonight, 2200 hours.
---------
So I bought the wasp-killer. Sadly there was a gigantic thunder-storm tonight, so no wasp-spraying yet. But soon. Soon.
-------------
The mission was delayed another night, due to extreme lateness of the hour of my return home compounded by complete ignorance of how to use the wasp spray.
The next day, I asked someone (a random dude who was working on the neighborhood pool) how best to plan my attack. He had some very valuable insight into the strategy of the thing.
Then, I did it.
I got home, tested the spray (to see how far it could go, hehehe. and to practice aiming it).
I suited up with:
1 pair jeans
1 pair sweatpants
1 pair thick, fuzzy slippers
1 long sleeve shirt
1 thick hoodie (with the hood up)
1 scarf (around my face)
1 beanie
Then I opened the door, sprayed the shit out of the wasps' nest, watched them fall to the ground, and slammed the door shut, all in under a minute. ...of course, it took me about five, plus a quote from The Princess Diaries to psych myself up for those 30 seconds or so, but w/e. The job is done.
What was the quote, you wonder?
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the judgment that something else is more important than fear."
which, by the way, (according to the internet) was originally said by Ambrose Redmoon.
So yeah. All's well that (almost) ends well. Now I just have to knock the stupid thing down in a day or so. Yippee.
I have to say though, seeing those wasps lying dead on my porch was sweet, sweet victory.
Cheers.
PP.
Epilogue
So now I know that the reason the spray can tells you to wait 24h or more before removing the nest is because in that time the larvae drop out of it! Can you say EW? I also may or may not have screamed "Augh! It's ALIVE!!" when one of them started moving.
But now the wasps are all removed, including wiggly larvae (which I sprayed with some more spray, for good measure). Mission wasp-removal has been successfully accomplished.
w00t!
I am exceedingly proud of my accomplishment.
Know what else is official?
It's coming down. Mission Nest-Removal begins tonight, 2200 hours.
---------
So I bought the wasp-killer. Sadly there was a gigantic thunder-storm tonight, so no wasp-spraying yet. But soon. Soon.
-------------
The mission was delayed another night, due to extreme lateness of the hour of my return home compounded by complete ignorance of how to use the wasp spray.
The next day, I asked someone (a random dude who was working on the neighborhood pool) how best to plan my attack. He had some very valuable insight into the strategy of the thing.
Then, I did it.
I got home, tested the spray (to see how far it could go, hehehe. and to practice aiming it).
I suited up with:
1 pair jeans
1 pair sweatpants
1 pair thick, fuzzy slippers
1 long sleeve shirt
1 thick hoodie (with the hood up)
1 scarf (around my face)
1 beanie
Then I opened the door, sprayed the shit out of the wasps' nest, watched them fall to the ground, and slammed the door shut, all in under a minute. ...of course, it took me about five, plus a quote from The Princess Diaries to psych myself up for those 30 seconds or so, but w/e. The job is done.
What was the quote, you wonder?
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but the judgment that something else is more important than fear."
which, by the way, (according to the internet) was originally said by Ambrose Redmoon.
So yeah. All's well that (almost) ends well. Now I just have to knock the stupid thing down in a day or so. Yippee.
I have to say though, seeing those wasps lying dead on my porch was sweet, sweet victory.
Cheers.
PP.
Epilogue
So now I know that the reason the spray can tells you to wait 24h or more before removing the nest is because in that time the larvae drop out of it! Can you say EW? I also may or may not have screamed "Augh! It's ALIVE!!" when one of them started moving.
But now the wasps are all removed, including wiggly larvae (which I sprayed with some more spray, for good measure). Mission wasp-removal has been successfully accomplished.
w00t!
I am exceedingly proud of my accomplishment.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Dreaming Reality?
After the literal explosion of tutoring this week, it has invaded my dreams.
Faceless Asian boys have invaded my dreams, and they brought their schoolwork.
Most. Boring. Dream. Ever.
On a more realistic note, I tutor a lot of Korean guys. That is my biggest demographic. I don't talk to guys much, and certainly not easily. But in this case, all we have to talk about is what they write - which is so easy! 'Cause nothing about them matters in that conversation except getting their thoughts to come out in English. =)
Faceless Asian boys have invaded my dreams, and they brought their schoolwork.
Most. Boring. Dream. Ever.
On a more realistic note, I tutor a lot of Korean guys. That is my biggest demographic. I don't talk to guys much, and certainly not easily. But in this case, all we have to talk about is what they write - which is so easy! 'Cause nothing about them matters in that conversation except getting their thoughts to come out in English. =)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Phones
I am here to whine about phones. Specifically, about the "advances" of technology. The first two I feel very strongly about - the others I could see how they'd be just a matter of personal preference.
a) I like number pads on a phone. It just makes sense. My phone is not a mini-laptop, I don't need a full keyboard. Just sayin'.
b) What is the big deal with touch screens? Can we please get over them? They're not that cool. You're not actually manipulating real objects, fyi. Also, they get grimy very quickly. What happened to all those years when grown ups around you were shouting "DON'T TOUCH THE SCREEN!" or "DON'T SMUDGE THE PHOTOS!" or "DON'T TOUCH THE WINDOW, YOU'LL GET FINGERPRINTS ALL OVER IT". It's like all these admonitions just vanished overnight, or as if technology had been taken over by vindictive eight-year-olds.
c) Wi-fi. While I can see how it might be useful to have google maps on your phone (I get lost WAY too often for my own good), there's a reason they started calling Blackberries "crackberries". It's just not healthy to be living with the internet in my pocket - sorry, in my hand, 'cause if I DID have internet on my phone, I'd never leave it for the real world.
d) Why are phones so BIG? I thought we were over that! I thought we figured out how to make them as small as playing cards and as thin as pencils. That was awesome! What happened? (redirect: QWERTY keyboards).
And with that, I'm done for the moment. But seriously y'all. Think about the touch screen ridiculousness.
...
My dad likes to say that technology is shifting to a new paradigm, and that those of us who like to push buttons are going to be out of luck pretty soon. *sigh*
And now for something completely different:
"We need to restore the honor of the cucumber!"
- Francesco Sosa-Wagner
a) I like number pads on a phone. It just makes sense. My phone is not a mini-laptop, I don't need a full keyboard. Just sayin'.
b) What is the big deal with touch screens? Can we please get over them? They're not that cool. You're not actually manipulating real objects, fyi. Also, they get grimy very quickly. What happened to all those years when grown ups around you were shouting "DON'T TOUCH THE SCREEN!" or "DON'T SMUDGE THE PHOTOS!" or "DON'T TOUCH THE WINDOW, YOU'LL GET FINGERPRINTS ALL OVER IT". It's like all these admonitions just vanished overnight, or as if technology had been taken over by vindictive eight-year-olds.
c) Wi-fi. While I can see how it might be useful to have google maps on your phone (I get lost WAY too often for my own good), there's a reason they started calling Blackberries "crackberries". It's just not healthy to be living with the internet in my pocket - sorry, in my hand, 'cause if I DID have internet on my phone, I'd never leave it for the real world.
d) Why are phones so BIG? I thought we were over that! I thought we figured out how to make them as small as playing cards and as thin as pencils. That was awesome! What happened? (redirect: QWERTY keyboards).
And with that, I'm done for the moment. But seriously y'all. Think about the touch screen ridiculousness.
...
My dad likes to say that technology is shifting to a new paradigm, and that those of us who like to push buttons are going to be out of luck pretty soon. *sigh*
And now for something completely different:
"We need to restore the honor of the cucumber!"
- Francesco Sosa-Wagner
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Grammar-check
When you think about it, it's really pretty funny when students ask me to give their paper "just a grammar-check". What do they think they're asking for?
Because - dear student - when I find a sentence like "Those arguments create the misbelieves over the networks of neighbors and even lovers," how do I even begin to tell you what is wrong with your "grammar" in a way that won't make both of us cringe? How can I tell you that, yes, I can read this and know that you probably mean "Such arguments caused mistrust among social networks and even lovers," but your professor will callously mark it "unclear," because he's not trying as hard as I am to hear the voice behind your words.
I do my best, when I read your paper, to understand how and why you have misused a word, whether you know its meaning or have ascribed another to it. I know that you say "betwixt" in part because you were bewitched by the word's spunk, and how much more fun it is than "between," even though you really meant the latter. I understand that you don't know, yet, that although betwixt sounds spunky, and although between runs around town without her, she is actually a shy old word, and won't be seen without her escorts, "and" and "between". I get that you can never tell where those pesky articles go, and I'll forgive you for it and move on. I know that prepositions are impossible- "against" must always follow "discriminate," and "endows" is always accompanied by "with," but your immediate guesses are "in," "to," "of," and "for" - if you realize that a preposition belongs there at all.
I understand all of these things and a myriad more. Intricacies and nuances of expression you'd never even considered pour into my mind as I read your paper. I look through your words as a person looking through coarse, wave-filled glass, trying to guess which bits on the other side are trees, which bits other houses or mailboxes or clouds or people. Is this what you want when you ask me for a "grammar-check"? Or do you just want me to put your commas in place and tell you when you've mixed up your prepositions?
I don't know, but really, it's never as simple as checking your grammar. There are also the words you choose - verbs, nouns, adjectives, adverbs - what they mean, and the order you put them in, and whether you've even thought about a sentence or just put it there in a hurry (among other things). I do my best to clarify it all for you, and I'm sorry for the blank face that I give you when you ask me if the paper is good and the ideas clear. I'm generally so busy trying to see through your sentences that I miss the bigger picture. After all, you just wanted a grammar-check, right?
with love,
an ESL tutor
p.s.: I really do love this job.
Because - dear student - when I find a sentence like "Those arguments create the misbelieves over the networks of neighbors and even lovers," how do I even begin to tell you what is wrong with your "grammar" in a way that won't make both of us cringe? How can I tell you that, yes, I can read this and know that you probably mean "Such arguments caused mistrust among social networks and even lovers," but your professor will callously mark it "unclear," because he's not trying as hard as I am to hear the voice behind your words.
I do my best, when I read your paper, to understand how and why you have misused a word, whether you know its meaning or have ascribed another to it. I know that you say "betwixt" in part because you were bewitched by the word's spunk, and how much more fun it is than "between," even though you really meant the latter. I understand that you don't know, yet, that although betwixt sounds spunky, and although between runs around town without her, she is actually a shy old word, and won't be seen without her escorts, "and" and "between". I get that you can never tell where those pesky articles go, and I'll forgive you for it and move on. I know that prepositions are impossible- "against" must always follow "discriminate," and "endows" is always accompanied by "with," but your immediate guesses are "in," "to," "of," and "for" - if you realize that a preposition belongs there at all.
I understand all of these things and a myriad more. Intricacies and nuances of expression you'd never even considered pour into my mind as I read your paper. I look through your words as a person looking through coarse, wave-filled glass, trying to guess which bits on the other side are trees, which bits other houses or mailboxes or clouds or people. Is this what you want when you ask me for a "grammar-check"? Or do you just want me to put your commas in place and tell you when you've mixed up your prepositions?
I don't know, but really, it's never as simple as checking your grammar. There are also the words you choose - verbs, nouns, adjectives, adverbs - what they mean, and the order you put them in, and whether you've even thought about a sentence or just put it there in a hurry (among other things). I do my best to clarify it all for you, and I'm sorry for the blank face that I give you when you ask me if the paper is good and the ideas clear. I'm generally so busy trying to see through your sentences that I miss the bigger picture. After all, you just wanted a grammar-check, right?
with love,
an ESL tutor
p.s.: I really do love this job.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
The Epics
As somewhat explained in the previous post, I am hungry for really good stories. Since I spend a great deal of my time watching TV on my computer in the summer ('cause I'm cheap and lazy), I've decided that instead of TV, this summer I'll watch epic/classic movies, and try to absorb their principle and character and methodology. I want to learn what it means to face the challenges that the world places in front of you with honor. So. Here goes.
First: Gladiator
A man whose sole desire is to go home to his family and work the land ends up on a mission to avenge the death of a good emperor (and of his wife and son); a mission to uphold what is right and do justice. A man who forfeits his life to enact that justice and begin the purification of Rome.
Second: To Sir, with Love.
An engineer gets a teaching job to keep a roof over his head. His moral rectitude and love/respect for his pupils molds them into upstanding men and women, and he discovers that he cannot leave his teaching position: his work is too important.
Third: Anna and the King
An English woman moves to Siam with her son, Louis, to be schoolteacher to the King's son. In the events that ensue, she makes a school for the King's 68 children, liberates a slave, teaches the King's son about justice and slavery, saves the royal family from certain death (a traitor in the King's court attempts a coup), saving the King's life and enabling him to kill the traitor, falls in love with the King and causes him to fall in love with her. She always speaks her mind, does not depart from her values and standards, and remains upright under pressure. The future of the country is changed because of her presence at the heart of the royal family.
First: Gladiator
A man whose sole desire is to go home to his family and work the land ends up on a mission to avenge the death of a good emperor (and of his wife and son); a mission to uphold what is right and do justice. A man who forfeits his life to enact that justice and begin the purification of Rome.
Second: To Sir, with Love.
An engineer gets a teaching job to keep a roof over his head. His moral rectitude and love/respect for his pupils molds them into upstanding men and women, and he discovers that he cannot leave his teaching position: his work is too important.
Third: Anna and the King
An English woman moves to Siam with her son, Louis, to be schoolteacher to the King's son. In the events that ensue, she makes a school for the King's 68 children, liberates a slave, teaches the King's son about justice and slavery, saves the royal family from certain death (a traitor in the King's court attempts a coup), saving the King's life and enabling him to kill the traitor, falls in love with the King and causes him to fall in love with her. She always speaks her mind, does not depart from her values and standards, and remains upright under pressure. The future of the country is changed because of her presence at the heart of the royal family.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Pattern Observed
I guess I bake mostly when I'm bored or upset...
today's haul includes bread and a big ol' batch of cookies. w00p.
last week it was a pie and home-made pizza.
Which I guess... really is good because the times when I'm bored will feed me when I'm not. xD
There would also have been challah and/or hot cross buns today if it weren't for that silly biking accident that prevents my kneading.
Also, I've finally figured out that I'm hungry for stories. Epic ones. I want to be sucked into the adventures of men and women who acquitted themselves well in the world. For a long time I've denied myself a good story, thinking, oh, I know all the plotlines, there's nothing that can surprise me anymore, so there's no point in reading them. Plus school keeps me thoroughly occupied with scientific papers. But really, there is nothing so wonderful as thoroughly well-written prose used to bring to life a gripping story. And this time, I don't intend to read stories as one being introduced to the concept; this time, I shall read them as an apprentice, out to learn the ways of great men and women before going out to make an attempt at womanhood. You see, lately I've been realizing that our generation is obsessed with identity (myself included).
You can see it in the proliferation of coming-of-age stories and prequels to famous stories.
This idea frustrated me because surely, knowing your identity (coming of age) is just the beginning of life - we must have strength left with which to fight the real battles we will face as adults.
So I'm left with questions.
Why does our generation care so much about knowing who we are? Does this fascination have a root in history?
What effect will this have on how we deal with the things that grown ups must deal with? Surely there must be huge repercussions.
Was identity a problem for other generations and if so, how did they handle it?
Could this be the main struggle of our generation, more subtle yet more central than the battles of previous generations?
Or have I got this completely wrong?
As you can see, I haven't finished thinking this through. But it's a start. And as sure as I am that I bake to stave off boredom, so sure am I also that my thoughts move in a circular motion, coming around again and again to be mulled over in the water-wheel that is my mind.
I'll keep you posted.
PP
today's haul includes bread and a big ol' batch of cookies. w00p.
last week it was a pie and home-made pizza.
Which I guess... really is good because the times when I'm bored will feed me when I'm not. xD
There would also have been challah and/or hot cross buns today if it weren't for that silly biking accident that prevents my kneading.
Also, I've finally figured out that I'm hungry for stories. Epic ones. I want to be sucked into the adventures of men and women who acquitted themselves well in the world. For a long time I've denied myself a good story, thinking, oh, I know all the plotlines, there's nothing that can surprise me anymore, so there's no point in reading them. Plus school keeps me thoroughly occupied with scientific papers. But really, there is nothing so wonderful as thoroughly well-written prose used to bring to life a gripping story. And this time, I don't intend to read stories as one being introduced to the concept; this time, I shall read them as an apprentice, out to learn the ways of great men and women before going out to make an attempt at womanhood. You see, lately I've been realizing that our generation is obsessed with identity (myself included).
You can see it in the proliferation of coming-of-age stories and prequels to famous stories.
This idea frustrated me because surely, knowing your identity (coming of age) is just the beginning of life - we must have strength left with which to fight the real battles we will face as adults.
So I'm left with questions.
Why does our generation care so much about knowing who we are? Does this fascination have a root in history?
What effect will this have on how we deal with the things that grown ups must deal with? Surely there must be huge repercussions.
Was identity a problem for other generations and if so, how did they handle it?
Could this be the main struggle of our generation, more subtle yet more central than the battles of previous generations?
Or have I got this completely wrong?
As you can see, I haven't finished thinking this through. But it's a start. And as sure as I am that I bake to stave off boredom, so sure am I also that my thoughts move in a circular motion, coming around again and again to be mulled over in the water-wheel that is my mind.
I'll keep you posted.
PP
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Childish
So... I may or may not have misjudged the distance between my handle bars and a certain mail box... and promptly fallen off my bicycle.
Plausible effects of such an accident include: about as much skin as would cover the surface of a quarter or two being scraped off one elbow and the palm of the hand, a lovely bruise the size of an apple on the thigh, and a bump on the back of one's head.
Plausible repercussions of such injuries include: searing pain in palm and elbow when entering chlorinated water and an inability to bend or unbend or lean on one's elbow without flinching.
Other possible side effects of falling off one's bicycle include: discovering one's favorite swearword, being asked by kind passers-by if one is ok, and feeling soundly humiliated.
Plausible effects of such an accident include: about as much skin as would cover the surface of a quarter or two being scraped off one elbow and the palm of the hand, a lovely bruise the size of an apple on the thigh, and a bump on the back of one's head.
Plausible repercussions of such injuries include: searing pain in palm and elbow when entering chlorinated water and an inability to bend or unbend or lean on one's elbow without flinching.
Other possible side effects of falling off one's bicycle include: discovering one's favorite swearword, being asked by kind passers-by if one is ok, and feeling soundly humiliated.
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Cures for Summer Boredom
Ideas for things to do in summer (according to Phineas and Ferb):
building a rocket
fighting a mummy
climbing up the Eiffel tower
discovering something that doesn't exist
giving a monkey a shower
surfing tidal waves
creating nanobots
locating Frankenstein's brain
finding a dodo bird
painting a continent
hmm... I think I'll go with discovering something that doesn't exist.
building a rocket
fighting a mummy
climbing up the Eiffel tower
discovering something that doesn't exist
giving a monkey a shower
surfing tidal waves
creating nanobots
locating Frankenstein's brain
finding a dodo bird
painting a continent
hmm... I think I'll go with discovering something that doesn't exist.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
A post on Bodily Functions - Squeamers beware
This may constitute a TMI, but I... have acid reflux. It's pretty sucky. Feels like the base of your throat is getting a chemical burn - oh wait it is. Don't ask me how I know what a chemical burn feels like. We were all in high school chemistry, I'm sure you can guess.
I guess I did ask for it though... drinking grapefruit juice all day and then topping it off with brownies. What can I say? I needed some intense vitamin C, and I made brownies. They were yummy.
In other (related) news, in case you imagined otherwise, let me reassure you that having a cold + experiencing heightened allergic reactions because of said cold is not fun. If you ever need a witness on this point, I will testify. Sadly, it has gotten to the point that I'm more amused with the bumpiness of hives than anything else. It is amusing compared to the raw nerves on my nose, general muscle-ache, itchy ears, sore throat, inability to breathe properly, and the aforementioned chemical burn at the base of my throat.
Ok though, enough. My body screwing up is of no interest to anyone but me, I'm well aware. It's just that it's so rare that it ever DOES screw up that I feel the need to document it.
Anyway, the brownies were great.
um... yeah. I'm done now.
over 'n out.
PP
I guess I did ask for it though... drinking grapefruit juice all day and then topping it off with brownies. What can I say? I needed some intense vitamin C, and I made brownies. They were yummy.
In other (related) news, in case you imagined otherwise, let me reassure you that having a cold + experiencing heightened allergic reactions because of said cold is not fun. If you ever need a witness on this point, I will testify. Sadly, it has gotten to the point that I'm more amused with the bumpiness of hives than anything else. It is amusing compared to the raw nerves on my nose, general muscle-ache, itchy ears, sore throat, inability to breathe properly, and the aforementioned chemical burn at the base of my throat.
Ok though, enough. My body screwing up is of no interest to anyone but me, I'm well aware. It's just that it's so rare that it ever DOES screw up that I feel the need to document it.
Anyway, the brownies were great.
um... yeah. I'm done now.
over 'n out.
PP
Monday, May 2, 2011
free
I haven't talked about this in a while... and it has taken a long, long time...
but my heart is finally free and healed from the person I have here referred to as fCA.
He was hanging around my city again this week, taking a vacation from his job, catching up with people and the like. I got to spend some time with him, and realize that I am no longer connected to him. We share memories, good ones, but no more, and my heart is free as a bird, belonging to none apart from my sweet Jesus Christ (yes I mean that. it's because of him that I am free).
It is finished, and it is good.
PP. (formerly E.O.)
but my heart is finally free and healed from the person I have here referred to as fCA.
He was hanging around my city again this week, taking a vacation from his job, catching up with people and the like. I got to spend some time with him, and realize that I am no longer connected to him. We share memories, good ones, but no more, and my heart is free as a bird, belonging to none apart from my sweet Jesus Christ (yes I mean that. it's because of him that I am free).
It is finished, and it is good.
PP. (formerly E.O.)
Saturday, April 30, 2011
first-time hostess
Tonight I am a true hostess for the first time.
I feel like Anne of Green Gables, excited about the idea of sleeping in a spare room.
I did all the domesticky things- cleaned up the house, cleaned the kitchen, made sure the bathroom looked nice, washed sheets, re-made the bed, swept the floors... everything!
My guests are sleeping in my room and offering to cook for me. They are conversing with me in the good old way, Spanish - you can keep a conversation going into the night, about anything and everything, just enjoying one another's company. I love the sounds of spanish... making them and hearing them and having them mean something beyond just making sounds for the sake of practicing, having them mean conversation, relationship.
Having people in my house is pretty sweet.
I feel like Anne of Green Gables, excited about the idea of sleeping in a spare room.
I did all the domesticky things- cleaned up the house, cleaned the kitchen, made sure the bathroom looked nice, washed sheets, re-made the bed, swept the floors... everything!
My guests are sleeping in my room and offering to cook for me. They are conversing with me in the good old way, Spanish - you can keep a conversation going into the night, about anything and everything, just enjoying one another's company. I love the sounds of spanish... making them and hearing them and having them mean something beyond just making sounds for the sake of practicing, having them mean conversation, relationship.
Having people in my house is pretty sweet.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
um... where'd the words go?
garblegarblegarble.
if tiredness were a disease, I'd be mortally ill.
I am spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.
Somebody please just take everything that needs doing out of my hands and tell me it will be ok, I will recover from this exhaustion in just a few days.
please?
no?
oh, right, I'm grown-up now.
...
boo, school. Just boo.
over 'n out.
E.O.
if tiredness were a disease, I'd be mortally ill.
I am spiritually, physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted.
Somebody please just take everything that needs doing out of my hands and tell me it will be ok, I will recover from this exhaustion in just a few days.
please?
no?
oh, right, I'm grown-up now.
...
boo, school. Just boo.
over 'n out.
E.O.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Burnout
Burnout makes me see better, feel more.
The more mentally exhausted I am from school, the clearer I see my surroundings.
In avoiding writing a paper, I see the amazing color and polish of a wooden chair, complete with dark flecks.
In avoiding thinking of my next assignment, I notice the intense green-on-black of trees in spring...
how the air feels soft around me like a blanket... or silky like water in a swimming pool, only exquisitely thinner.
And when I intentionally rest and refrain from doing (more) schoolwork, taking a break for the brain, I have so much love for smaller things...
like cleaning my room
standing in my kitchen and
opening a cupboard
laying on my back on the floor and just
looking around,
noticing how the light falls on things.
When I am burnt out, going grocery shopping feels like a treat; when I am burnt out going thrifting is the epitome of bliss. When my brain cannot take it anymore, it willingly and happily gives way to my body's practicality and just -
floats...
along...
floats along.
It's an oddly pleasurable state of mind, like when you've been carrying a big ol' backpack around and you take it off - for the next few seconds, the relief makes you feel almost weightless. And in these moments, I'm ok with being thoughtless... - until I realize that's unkind, and gradually my state of mind returns to normal and my thoughts return in full force, like a driving gale, pushing toward the next period of growth and travail.
But for now, I feel weightless, thoughtless, mindless... happy just to drift.
And unwilling to sit down to my next shift of schoolwork, 'cause baby, finals isn't over yet; it's hardly begun.
Cheers.
E.O.
The more mentally exhausted I am from school, the clearer I see my surroundings.
In avoiding writing a paper, I see the amazing color and polish of a wooden chair, complete with dark flecks.
In avoiding thinking of my next assignment, I notice the intense green-on-black of trees in spring...
how the air feels soft around me like a blanket... or silky like water in a swimming pool, only exquisitely thinner.
And when I intentionally rest and refrain from doing (more) schoolwork, taking a break for the brain, I have so much love for smaller things...
like cleaning my room
standing in my kitchen and
opening a cupboard
laying on my back on the floor and just
looking around,
noticing how the light falls on things.
When I am burnt out, going grocery shopping feels like a treat; when I am burnt out going thrifting is the epitome of bliss. When my brain cannot take it anymore, it willingly and happily gives way to my body's practicality and just -
floats...
along...
floats along.
It's an oddly pleasurable state of mind, like when you've been carrying a big ol' backpack around and you take it off - for the next few seconds, the relief makes you feel almost weightless. And in these moments, I'm ok with being thoughtless... - until I realize that's unkind, and gradually my state of mind returns to normal and my thoughts return in full force, like a driving gale, pushing toward the next period of growth and travail.
But for now, I feel weightless, thoughtless, mindless... happy just to drift.
And unwilling to sit down to my next shift of schoolwork, 'cause baby, finals isn't over yet; it's hardly begun.
Cheers.
E.O.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Good Friday
You have to power through the first bit of this video, but it really is a "simple but ultra powerful skit" that shows the real reason for Easter.
I like how my friend Hailey put it: "Not just another Friday funday, but a really bad day that I couldn't live without. And that makes it good."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=cyheJ480LYA
over 'n out.
E.O.
I like how my friend Hailey put it: "Not just another Friday funday, but a really bad day that I couldn't live without. And that makes it good."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=cyheJ480LYA
over 'n out.
E.O.
Monday, April 18, 2011
YES I DID
I BEASTED that second methods paper.
WOHOOOOOOO!
And they say the progression is C-B-A. HAH! In my case, it's looking like it'll be more like C-A-B - or maybe, if I really get my act together, it'll be C-A-A!
Either way, the middle is an A, and I couldn't be more pleased (or vindicated). B)
Nanny, nanny boo-boo, you can't fail me!
hehehe.
over 'n out.
E.O.
WOHOOOOOOO!
And they say the progression is C-B-A. HAH! In my case, it's looking like it'll be more like C-A-B - or maybe, if I really get my act together, it'll be C-A-A!
Either way, the middle is an A, and I couldn't be more pleased (or vindicated). B)
Nanny, nanny boo-boo, you can't fail me!
hehehe.
over 'n out.
E.O.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Oh, finals...
Have I written on here about how I don't like essay-writing?
I have?
Just imagine you're re-reading one of those posts.
Also: I know that the word chuch'e, in Korean, means independence and self-reliance, and (to North Koreans) represents all that is Korean, and putting Korean-ness before all else. I know it is a very serious word to North Koreans.
But every time I see it, I can't help thinking of the Castillian chuche, which means a piece of candy.
It's highly confusing, and, well... funny.
peace.
E.O.
I have?
Just imagine you're re-reading one of those posts.
Also: I know that the word chuch'e, in Korean, means independence and self-reliance, and (to North Koreans) represents all that is Korean, and putting Korean-ness before all else. I know it is a very serious word to North Koreans.
But every time I see it, I can't help thinking of the Castillian chuche, which means a piece of candy.
It's highly confusing, and, well... funny.
peace.
E.O.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Exasperation
Ahem.
Dear Dr. B.:
Why do you have to be such a jerk? As if it weren't enough that we have TWO big assignments to be working on (with all your little niggly requirements to think about and lots of mini-due-dates). As if you didn't KNOW, for a FACT that your precious research has shown that students tend to plateau out shortly after Spring break and then want to work the least right before finals. As if you weren't aware that we are probably fucking burnt out from your class alone, not to mention whatever else we might have going on in our lives (oh, I don't know, a minimum of two other four-credit classes that also have papers and finals and that sort of thing).
Disregarding all of that, you had to make up another assignment. And call it a game. And sugarcoat it by saying it's for extra credit and therefore, by definition, optional (as if - you know perfectly well that we're all scrambling to get as many points as possible because we have no idea how we're doing in your class since it's incredibly taxing and difficult and you won't give us our grades)*.
Nevermind that this "game" has all the hallmarks of a test - or one of those annoyingly snobby educational "puzzle" projects, where each group needs the others in order to complete their "creative" task. You present it like you are somehow under the delusion that it will be a fun and relaxing break.
I suppose I ought to be grateful there's no final exam.
But I will have you know, internet, that I am thoroughly exasperated with this woman.
Thoroughly exasperated. Not even the good mood induced in me by chips and salsa and a break for dinner & a little television is able to prevent my hitting the table in frustration.
Enough is ENOUGH. These next two weeks cannot end soon enough.
Over 'n out.
E.O.
*Oh, wait. I forgot. There's also that other assignment you gave us at the beginning of the semester. A portfolio, indicating our progress in the achievement of our goals for your class over time. Alright. Why don't I do that assignment. Right here, right now.
Eschew Obfuscation's Methods Class Portfolio, Spring 2011.
Initially, my goals were thus:
"I want to make a log for Dr. B of the mental and emotional suffering a person goes through taking her class. I don't think she realizes anymore what she's putting people through. She does not have access to the rollercoaster of these emotions because people are too scared to tell her up front that the amount of stress she causes is bizarre and cruel in its intensity. So I will document it for her."
Five minutes later, I realized she'd interpret it like this:
"You really ought to go talk to someone and strategize about how you can have more time and emotional energy for this class. We have resources for that sort of thing. This is a hands-on class, and I warned you about that at the start of the semester."
Eventually my goals became:
"Turn things in complete and on-time. Try to keep up with the readings"
Then I gave up on the readings. After that I gave up on turning all but the biggest things in complete. These days I'm trying to keep turning stuff in on time, but it's really wrecking my life.
My goals as of now:
Hang on 'til April 28th. Time will continue to pass inexorably, and somehow (miraculously, it looks like from here), the things that have to get done will get done.
Or alternately:
Turn in a complete experiment. Make some kind of poster to present. Modify this portfolio and turn it in. Participate as little as possible in the "game" without screwing myself over too much.
(or for you spanish-speakers out there, I am putting la ley del mínimo esfuerzo into full effect)
DO YOU SEE THE DETERIORATION??? I wake up in the morning thinking about methods. In my spare time, I try to work out problems with my project. I cannot (but canNOT) focus on the work I have for other, equally important classes. Whenever people ask me about school, I start to vent about methods the second I catch a compassionate gleam in their eye.
...ironically enough, I probably succeeded in accomplishing those goals way up there at the top, just by dint of suffering through the class.
I also began the semester determined to attempt to love Dr. B according to 1 Corinthians 13. I am not sure just how miserably I failed at that, but I'm quite positive that I did. At least I didn't sic my parents on her, like people have in the past.
over 'n out. for real this time.
E.O.
Dear Dr. B.:
Why do you have to be such a jerk? As if it weren't enough that we have TWO big assignments to be working on (with all your little niggly requirements to think about and lots of mini-due-dates). As if you didn't KNOW, for a FACT that your precious research has shown that students tend to plateau out shortly after Spring break and then want to work the least right before finals. As if you weren't aware that we are probably fucking burnt out from your class alone, not to mention whatever else we might have going on in our lives (oh, I don't know, a minimum of two other four-credit classes that also have papers and finals and that sort of thing).
Disregarding all of that, you had to make up another assignment. And call it a game. And sugarcoat it by saying it's for extra credit and therefore, by definition, optional (as if - you know perfectly well that we're all scrambling to get as many points as possible because we have no idea how we're doing in your class since it's incredibly taxing and difficult and you won't give us our grades)*.
Nevermind that this "game" has all the hallmarks of a test - or one of those annoyingly snobby educational "puzzle" projects, where each group needs the others in order to complete their "creative" task. You present it like you are somehow under the delusion that it will be a fun and relaxing break.
I suppose I ought to be grateful there's no final exam.
But I will have you know, internet, that I am thoroughly exasperated with this woman.
Thoroughly exasperated. Not even the good mood induced in me by chips and salsa and a break for dinner & a little television is able to prevent my hitting the table in frustration.
Enough is ENOUGH. These next two weeks cannot end soon enough.
Over 'n out.
E.O.
*Oh, wait. I forgot. There's also that other assignment you gave us at the beginning of the semester. A portfolio, indicating our progress in the achievement of our goals for your class over time. Alright. Why don't I do that assignment. Right here, right now.
Eschew Obfuscation's Methods Class Portfolio, Spring 2011.
Initially, my goals were thus:
- Achieve the highest grade possible on each assignment.
- Make significant steps toward mastering scientific writing.
- Deepen my knowledge of a new area of psychology.
"I want to make a log for Dr. B of the mental and emotional suffering a person goes through taking her class. I don't think she realizes anymore what she's putting people through. She does not have access to the rollercoaster of these emotions because people are too scared to tell her up front that the amount of stress she causes is bizarre and cruel in its intensity. So I will document it for her."
Five minutes later, I realized she'd interpret it like this:
"You really ought to go talk to someone and strategize about how you can have more time and emotional energy for this class. We have resources for that sort of thing. This is a hands-on class, and I warned you about that at the start of the semester."
Eventually my goals became:
"Turn things in complete and on-time. Try to keep up with the readings"
Then I gave up on the readings. After that I gave up on turning all but the biggest things in complete. These days I'm trying to keep turning stuff in on time, but it's really wrecking my life.
My goals as of now:
Hang on 'til April 28th. Time will continue to pass inexorably, and somehow (miraculously, it looks like from here), the things that have to get done will get done.
Or alternately:
Turn in a complete experiment. Make some kind of poster to present. Modify this portfolio and turn it in. Participate as little as possible in the "game" without screwing myself over too much.
(or for you spanish-speakers out there, I am putting la ley del mínimo esfuerzo into full effect)
DO YOU SEE THE DETERIORATION??? I wake up in the morning thinking about methods. In my spare time, I try to work out problems with my project. I cannot (but canNOT) focus on the work I have for other, equally important classes. Whenever people ask me about school, I start to vent about methods the second I catch a compassionate gleam in their eye.
...ironically enough, I probably succeeded in accomplishing those goals way up there at the top, just by dint of suffering through the class.
I also began the semester determined to attempt to love Dr. B according to 1 Corinthians 13. I am not sure just how miserably I failed at that, but I'm quite positive that I did. At least I didn't sic my parents on her, like people have in the past.
over 'n out. for real this time.
E.O.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Threats to Validity
In a rare moment of pristine clarity, my proffessor told us the other day, in a voice that said "of course, you all know this, but I am saying it anyway because I feel like being redundant" that there are 31 threats to the validity of an (psychological?) experiment.
THIRTY-ONE.
Seriously? For starters, I'd like to know who on earth goes around asking themselves "how many ways could my colleagues tell me that I'm wrong?" I mean, I know it's science, and the main way you know things is by figuring out how a conclusion could be wrong, but threats to validity generally don't just tell you you're wrong. They throw all your hard work out the window.
You don't even get to learn something from your wrongness (i.e., the reason books are so expensive is not because they pay their factory workers high wages, like I thought; now I should move on and make a new hypothesis). It's more like, "oh, you measured this badly, so you have to start all over again before we'll be able to know anything useful from your experiment". Wtf??
I'm not saying this threat to validity business isn't well-thought out and useful and stuff. Like my other professor said, the tools of science are there to keep us from being duped; it's a good thing to be able to say "this is true." as opposed to "this is what I think based on my experience and the anecdotes of these 5 other people". There is worth in having truth value to back up a conclusion. But sometimes I think that scientists are those people in life who are in danger of over-thinking just about everything.
For your amusement and my learning, I have therefore assembled a list of the 31* threats to validity Enjoy.
*On going through the prof's slides, I've realized there are actually 32 threats. Hmm... let's be science-y how many ways could I be wrong?
1. I could have called one of these things a threat when it isn't (which wouldn't be too surprising - it's REALLY hard to tell from her slides. Organization = not her best skill**).
2. Hawthorne effect and experimenter expectancies could be the same thing.***
3. She could have miscounted.
**On that note, the threats could be grouped/further classified according to:
- whether they apply more to survey research or experimental research
- applying when you reject the null
- applying when you fail to reject the null
- having to do with measurement response
- having to do with contact with the experimenter
- a few other groupings I've forgotten about because they weren't useful/were hard to understand
***On closer inspection, I think this is the answer.
Hope you enjoyed the list. I also hope it helped me learn the stupid stuff.
over 'n out.
E.O.
THIRTY-ONE.
Seriously? For starters, I'd like to know who on earth goes around asking themselves "how many ways could my colleagues tell me that I'm wrong?" I mean, I know it's science, and the main way you know things is by figuring out how a conclusion could be wrong, but threats to validity generally don't just tell you you're wrong. They throw all your hard work out the window.
You don't even get to learn something from your wrongness (i.e., the reason books are so expensive is not because they pay their factory workers high wages, like I thought; now I should move on and make a new hypothesis). It's more like, "oh, you measured this badly, so you have to start all over again before we'll be able to know anything useful from your experiment". Wtf??
I'm not saying this threat to validity business isn't well-thought out and useful and stuff. Like my other professor said, the tools of science are there to keep us from being duped; it's a good thing to be able to say "this is true." as opposed to "this is what I think based on my experience and the anecdotes of these 5 other people". There is worth in having truth value to back up a conclusion. But sometimes I think that scientists are those people in life who are in danger of over-thinking just about everything.
For your amusement and my learning, I have therefore assembled a list of the 31* threats to validity Enjoy.
Construct validity
1. inadequate preoperational specification of constructs
2. mono-methods bias
3. mono-operation bias
4. hawthorne effect
5. experimenter expectancy (same as hawthorne effect. oops. I'm not gonna re-do the whole list tho.)
6. hypothesis guessing
7. experimenter reactivity
8. measurement reactivity
9. evaluation apprehension
Internal validity
10. ambiguity about the direction of causal influence
11. history
12. maturation
13. testing
14. mortality
15. instrumentation
16. selection
17. regression to the mean
18. selection-maturation interaction
19. interaction of selection with history
20. interaction of selection with mortality
21. diffusion or imitation of treatment
22. compensatory equalization
23. compensatory rivalry
24. resentful demoralization
statistical conclusion validity
25. experimentwise error
26. incorrect (statistical) assumptions
27. reliability of measures
28. low statistical power
29. reliability of treatment implementation
External validity
30. biased sampling
31. restricted setting
32. historical time
*On going through the prof's slides, I've realized there are actually 32 threats. Hmm... let's be science-y how many ways could I be wrong?
1. I could have called one of these things a threat when it isn't (which wouldn't be too surprising - it's REALLY hard to tell from her slides. Organization = not her best skill**).
2. Hawthorne effect and experimenter expectancies could be the same thing.***
3. She could have miscounted.
**On that note, the threats could be grouped/further classified according to:
- whether they apply more to survey research or experimental research
- applying when you reject the null
- applying when you fail to reject the null
- having to do with measurement response
- having to do with contact with the experimenter
- a few other groupings I've forgotten about because they weren't useful/were hard to understand
***On closer inspection, I think this is the answer.
Hope you enjoyed the list. I also hope it helped me learn the stupid stuff.
over 'n out.
E.O.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
fluids
I think my body is trying to see how many types of fluids can exit it at once. I have therefore made a checklist, so that it can see how well it's doing:
Excuse my grossness; sometimes you just have to think like a 10-year-old boy to get a laugh out of life.
over 'n out.
E.O.
- sweat
- snot
- tears
- poop
- urine
- blood
- spit
Excuse my grossness; sometimes you just have to think like a 10-year-old boy to get a laugh out of life.
over 'n out.
E.O.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
wish
I wish life were simpler....
[read: I wish I could fast-forward my life 3 weeks so that I would a) be done with Methods class forever and ever amen! and b) not be in the state of pain/hormonal mood-swingy-ness of womanhood]
...and that I had more time to deal with things...
[read: get a job, get the rest of my financial aid done, do things I actually want to do like learn how to blow glass, help ppl do research on bilingual people, read interesting things, read for my classes, spend time with friends, spend time outside, go visit my friend who just had a baby, throw a proper baby shower for my other friend who is about to have a baby, go to Jordan, go to Seoul etc.]
...but as it is, I need to simply buckle down, read the articles for Methods, and squeeze an idea out of my infinitely dry, grumpy head before 6:30 - and try to let down as few people as humanly possible.
Tally ho...
~E.O.
p.s.: my groupmates don't like me much right now, but at least they can understand that no day is a good day when the walls of your uterus are shedding.
[read: I wish I could fast-forward my life 3 weeks so that I would a) be done with Methods class forever and ever amen! and b) not be in the state of pain/hormonal mood-swingy-ness of womanhood]
...and that I had more time to deal with things...
[read: get a job, get the rest of my financial aid done, do things I actually want to do like learn how to blow glass, help ppl do research on bilingual people, read interesting things, read for my classes, spend time with friends, spend time outside, go visit my friend who just had a baby, throw a proper baby shower for my other friend who is about to have a baby, go to Jordan, go to Seoul etc.]
...but as it is, I need to simply buckle down, read the articles for Methods, and squeeze an idea out of my infinitely dry, grumpy head before 6:30 - and try to let down as few people as humanly possible.
Tally ho...
~E.O.
p.s.: my groupmates don't like me much right now, but at least they can understand that no day is a good day when the walls of your uterus are shedding.
Monday, March 28, 2011
happiness in strange places
Are happy people dumb? - An article my mom sent me today.
So, based on the conclusions I came to in the 5-1o minutes of reading this, I decided to make myself happy before I attempted to (finish) writ(ing) my paper for Psyc Methods...
...which may or may not have resulted in me cooking and watching youtube videos until almost midnight.
It's the new way to procrastinate! Make yourself so happy you can work!
Um. Yeah. Anyways. All that to say... I was watching videos by this Filipino girl on youtube ('cause I just can't get behind my own ethnicity, apparently) and was made absurdly happy by figuring out that Tagalog (the Filipino language) does not have a labiodental fricative (or /f/ sound).
*nerd moment*
I then proceeded to look the phonology of Tagalog up on wikipedia to confirm this monumental discovery, and giggled - yes. giggled.- happily to myself when I saw that I was right.
Which brings me to my conclusion that you can never tell what will make you happy.
Apparently figuring out the phonology of languages I know next to nothing about from listening to their accents in English is one of the things that makes me happy.
Let me just go put on my nerd glasses here, just a minute... B-)
hurray for doing next-to-no schoolwork today and feeling only minimally guilty about it! ('cause I'm happy! xD)
over 'n out!
E.O.
So, based on the conclusions I came to in the 5-1o minutes of reading this, I decided to make myself happy before I attempted to (finish) writ(ing) my paper for Psyc Methods...
...which may or may not have resulted in me cooking and watching youtube videos until almost midnight.
It's the new way to procrastinate! Make yourself so happy you can work!
Um. Yeah. Anyways. All that to say... I was watching videos by this Filipino girl on youtube ('cause I just can't get behind my own ethnicity, apparently) and was made absurdly happy by figuring out that Tagalog (the Filipino language) does not have a labiodental fricative (or /f/ sound).
*nerd moment*
I then proceeded to look the phonology of Tagalog up on wikipedia to confirm this monumental discovery, and giggled - yes. giggled.- happily to myself when I saw that I was right.
Which brings me to my conclusion that you can never tell what will make you happy.
Apparently figuring out the phonology of languages I know next to nothing about from listening to their accents in English is one of the things that makes me happy.
Let me just go put on my nerd glasses here, just a minute... B-)
hurray for doing next-to-no schoolwork today and feeling only minimally guilty about it! ('cause I'm happy! xD)
over 'n out!
E.O.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Moments with my Mother
Me: "I want to be appreciated for more than my brain!"
Mom: ... [laughs] Oh, that'd be hilarious. You should write that on your autobiography. A 20-something woman wanting to be appreciated for more than her brain? [laughs again]
Me: Oh yea... I guess most girls would say "body" and not "brain," huh?
Mom: ... [laughs] Oh, that'd be hilarious. You should write that on your autobiography. A 20-something woman wanting to be appreciated for more than her brain? [laughs again]
Me: Oh yea... I guess most girls would say "body" and not "brain," huh?
Saturday, March 26, 2011
ambivalent
I'm alone in my well-lit, warm, dry house and it's pouring buckets- no, scratch that, barrels, and thundering right over my head.
I'm not sure if I'm really cozy or really scared.
:/
I'm not sure if I'm really cozy or really scared.
:/
Friday, March 25, 2011
Of a Friday Evening
An evening of watching Torchwood, skype, and making chocolate chip cookies = very restful.
Better, in my opinion, than going to Dooley's Ball. =)
Also, I love this video:
http://www.youtube.com/user/charlieissocoollike?blend=1&ob=5
aaand this one:
http://www.youtube.com/user/wongfuproductions?blend=1&ob=4
also, this comic is true to (my) life:
http://www.notquitewrong.com/rosscottinc/2009/04/28/the-system-198/
Cheers.
Better, in my opinion, than going to Dooley's Ball. =)
Also, I love this video:
http://www.youtube.com/user/charlieissocoollike?blend=1&ob=5
aaand this one:
http://www.youtube.com/user/wongfuproductions?blend=1&ob=4
also, this comic is true to (my) life:
http://www.notquitewrong.com/rosscottinc/2009/04/28/the-system-198/
Cheers.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Somedays I feel like an adult...
...and then there are the days on which cleaning my room is just as tiring as it was when I was 5.
to Sundays.
to Sundays.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Growing
Two thumbs up for "About a boy" (movie)
Seriously. Wonderful movie.
Also, just like the body, the heart learns reeeeal slow. I had a dance teacher tell me once that if you do the same stretch diligently for several years, you may eventually get an inch or so more (or something like that). It amazed me. The body changes very slowly, she said. It gave me pause, because everything else seems to move so quickly. We have subdivided our time down to the hour, sometimes the minute even.
Another friend of mine tells me that when you go through a really stressful time in your life, your body reacts - your finger and toe nails grow differently (they grow some kind of lines or ridges, apparently), and your hair and skin get paler or something. But the kicker is that even months after your brain is done dealing with the stress, your body hasn't got the message yet.
And I'm realizing that's the way it is with the heart, too. And probably the soul. Someone told me something true about my life the other day, and when she did I realized I've been preparing to learn it for years... and then just now I realized it will take me time to ruminate and assimilate it... it will have to slowly percolate from the middle of my heart to the rest of it, and out through my beliefs into my actions. Eventually, this thing I learned will affect everything, just as the false belief I had before affected everything. But it will take time.
Recently I used the word "coagulate" to describe the moment when something you've been thinking about in stray thoughts now and again suddenly reaches critical mass and comes together in one illuminating swoosh. But then the moment after you're thinking about how amazing this revelation is, when you realize that you've been thinking the bits and pieces of it for weeks, months, maybe even years.
Even when trees grow fast it's not as fast as a high rise is built or a computer is assembled.
Minds and hearts aren't built; they're grown.
Growth is slower than we'd like.
also- there are so many people around me that give me love whenever I'm with them.
When the "out of sight, out of mind" concept applies, does that diminish love? My gut tells me yes... but not enough to discount the love that remains. But how much remains? And for how long?
What is the attrition rate of a love that is out of sight and out of mind? (and by love I mean any kind of affectionate tie... lover, best friend, friend, acquaintance, co-worker...)
What is the attrition rate of a love that is out of sight and out of mind?
Seriously. Wonderful movie.
Also, just like the body, the heart learns reeeeal slow. I had a dance teacher tell me once that if you do the same stretch diligently for several years, you may eventually get an inch or so more (or something like that). It amazed me. The body changes very slowly, she said. It gave me pause, because everything else seems to move so quickly. We have subdivided our time down to the hour, sometimes the minute even.
Another friend of mine tells me that when you go through a really stressful time in your life, your body reacts - your finger and toe nails grow differently (they grow some kind of lines or ridges, apparently), and your hair and skin get paler or something. But the kicker is that even months after your brain is done dealing with the stress, your body hasn't got the message yet.
And I'm realizing that's the way it is with the heart, too. And probably the soul. Someone told me something true about my life the other day, and when she did I realized I've been preparing to learn it for years... and then just now I realized it will take me time to ruminate and assimilate it... it will have to slowly percolate from the middle of my heart to the rest of it, and out through my beliefs into my actions. Eventually, this thing I learned will affect everything, just as the false belief I had before affected everything. But it will take time.
Recently I used the word "coagulate" to describe the moment when something you've been thinking about in stray thoughts now and again suddenly reaches critical mass and comes together in one illuminating swoosh. But then the moment after you're thinking about how amazing this revelation is, when you realize that you've been thinking the bits and pieces of it for weeks, months, maybe even years.
Even when trees grow fast it's not as fast as a high rise is built or a computer is assembled.
Minds and hearts aren't built; they're grown.
Growth is slower than we'd like.
also- there are so many people around me that give me love whenever I'm with them.
When the "out of sight, out of mind" concept applies, does that diminish love? My gut tells me yes... but not enough to discount the love that remains. But how much remains? And for how long?
What is the attrition rate of a love that is out of sight and out of mind? (and by love I mean any kind of affectionate tie... lover, best friend, friend, acquaintance, co-worker...)
What is the attrition rate of a love that is out of sight and out of mind?
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Things that could change
Such as... how my most comfortable topics to discuss are: 1. school/work 2. God 3. other random shit I think "deeply" about for no apparent reason
For instance:
Friend: Why do you like seashells so much?
Me: Because they're beautiful and shiny. And I like the broken ones 'cause even when they're all broken and you can't even tell anymore what they were supposed to look like, they're still beautiful. And it reminds me of God and people, 'cause even when we're broken he polishes us and keeps us beautiful.
Friend: Oh, that's cool. You really thought about that.
Friend (later): You know, you could've just said that you just liked them, and I'd have been like, oh, okay. She likes shells.
*End of sample conversation*
See?
That could change. Mostly what bothers me is my work-centric focus. What do other people talk about?
I am on a mission to find out. So far I've heard:
movies, children's books, partying, relationships, guys, girls, celebrities... (that's all I can think of right now).
In other news, aloe juice is really good. It's like kinda grape juice, but better 'cause it has squishies in it and a nicer aftertaste.
over 'n out.
E.O.
For instance:
Friend: Why do you like seashells so much?
Me: Because they're beautiful and shiny. And I like the broken ones 'cause even when they're all broken and you can't even tell anymore what they were supposed to look like, they're still beautiful. And it reminds me of God and people, 'cause even when we're broken he polishes us and keeps us beautiful.
Friend: Oh, that's cool. You really thought about that.
Friend (later): You know, you could've just said that you just liked them, and I'd have been like, oh, okay. She likes shells.
*End of sample conversation*
See?
That could change. Mostly what bothers me is my work-centric focus. What do other people talk about?
I am on a mission to find out. So far I've heard:
movies, children's books, partying, relationships, guys, girls, celebrities... (that's all I can think of right now).
In other news, aloe juice is really good. It's like kinda grape juice, but better 'cause it has squishies in it and a nicer aftertaste.
over 'n out.
E.O.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
It smarts
People like to harp a lot on how I'm
smart
thoughtful
introspective
self-aware
a deep thinker
a questioner
etc.
which is all well and good- until that becomes the epicenter of my identity. 'Cause then I grow to a) be stuck up about it and b) hate being smart, 'cause it makes me feel a1) horrible and b1) like a fraud.
So. I am on a mission to figure it out: what else am I?
So far, I've got:
diligent
loyal
determined
dexterous
curious
empathetic (I hope)
attentive
If you took out my smarts, who would I be? The challenge is this: look past the intelligence, into the heart and the everyday behaviors.
smart
thoughtful
introspective
self-aware
a deep thinker
a questioner
etc.
which is all well and good- until that becomes the epicenter of my identity. 'Cause then I grow to a) be stuck up about it and b) hate being smart, 'cause it makes me feel a1) horrible and b1) like a fraud.
So. I am on a mission to figure it out: what else am I?
So far, I've got:
diligent
loyal
determined
dexterous
curious
empathetic (I hope)
attentive
If you took out my smarts, who would I be? The challenge is this: look past the intelligence, into the heart and the everyday behaviors.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Vacation
Vacation is a beautiful thing.
I thought I'd had enough of it today, so I tried to start my reading for last/next week... but I was wrong. About 13 pages in, my mind did that thing where it quits taking stuff in. So I took a nap instead, then had dinner w/my lovely friends, and watched a movie.
Much better use of my time.
Hopefully this won't hurt me come next week. Hopefully the rest I'm getting now will enable me to work as hard as I need to.
be praying. lol.
over 'n out.
E.O.
I thought I'd had enough of it today, so I tried to start my reading for last/next week... but I was wrong. About 13 pages in, my mind did that thing where it quits taking stuff in. So I took a nap instead, then had dinner w/my lovely friends, and watched a movie.
Much better use of my time.
Hopefully this won't hurt me come next week. Hopefully the rest I'm getting now will enable me to work as hard as I need to.
be praying. lol.
over 'n out.
E.O.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Photography
Some things I've noticed about my photography:
1. I generally take pictures of inanimate objects or nature or cool lighting.
2. This happens more often when there isn't someone walking with me to whom I can say "Wow, look at that! It's so pretty!"
3. For this reason, my photos rarely contain people (or if they do, they're not facing me). I don't generally take pictures when I'm around people, because I'd rather enjoy their company than their looks.
4. I am no photo editor. I don't care about editing the final product, and I doubt I ever will. My joy is in "making the camera see what I see" - or in other words, getting the best original shot I can with my dinky little Cannon point-and-shoot. I'm not fancy. I'm not trying to enhance anything; I just want to show off what's already there, right in front of the naked eye.
5. I am okay with this.
My photos are to capture special moments that I can't share with anyone in the moment, and to point out the beauty that I see in the natural world.
Finally.
over 'n out.
E.O.
1. I generally take pictures of inanimate objects or nature or cool lighting.
2. This happens more often when there isn't someone walking with me to whom I can say "Wow, look at that! It's so pretty!"
3. For this reason, my photos rarely contain people (or if they do, they're not facing me). I don't generally take pictures when I'm around people, because I'd rather enjoy their company than their looks.
4. I am no photo editor. I don't care about editing the final product, and I doubt I ever will. My joy is in "making the camera see what I see" - or in other words, getting the best original shot I can with my dinky little Cannon point-and-shoot. I'm not fancy. I'm not trying to enhance anything; I just want to show off what's already there, right in front of the naked eye.
5. I am okay with this.
My photos are to capture special moments that I can't share with anyone in the moment, and to point out the beauty that I see in the natural world.
Finally.
over 'n out.
E.O.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
two worlds
so.
spring break.
i had planned to spend a week with some friends at a beach, chillin', talking, cooking, walking around random places, and taking pictures.
it's looking more like i'll be spending spring break with some friends, at a beach, arranging meetings for the next couple of weeks, catching up on reading for my classes, and doing the background work for a project in my methods class.
it will be a relief not to have this constant stream of more information and tasks i need to complete, to have a week in which i can simply focus on catching up. but... spring break should not be catch up time! spring break should be calm the eff down time.
why do we push ourselves so hard? what is it we intend to accomplish with this perfect imbalance of Things To Get Done and Ability To Rest?
I wish the world were different. I feel like I have two worlds... the real world of things-I-have-to-do-for-school-and-the-future and the real world of things-I-want-to-do-because-they-have-intrinsic-worth-beyond-personal-gain. Why should the two be compartmentalized?!?
over 'n out.
E.O.
spring break.
i had planned to spend a week with some friends at a beach, chillin', talking, cooking, walking around random places, and taking pictures.
it's looking more like i'll be spending spring break with some friends, at a beach, arranging meetings for the next couple of weeks, catching up on reading for my classes, and doing the background work for a project in my methods class.
it will be a relief not to have this constant stream of more information and tasks i need to complete, to have a week in which i can simply focus on catching up. but... spring break should not be catch up time! spring break should be calm the eff down time.
why do we push ourselves so hard? what is it we intend to accomplish with this perfect imbalance of Things To Get Done and Ability To Rest?
I wish the world were different. I feel like I have two worlds... the real world of things-I-have-to-do-for-school-and-the-future and the real world of things-I-want-to-do-because-they-have-intrinsic-worth-beyond-personal-gain. Why should the two be compartmentalized?!?
over 'n out.
E.O.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Redemptive Song
Today I sang in public again.
I didn't look for it- I was asked. By two people. For Social Justice week's Coffee house event.
It was a lot of fun... the jam session w/Caro beforehand especially.
What was interesting about it though, were people's reactions. To hear them you'd have thought I was Whitney Houston or something. And it's not 'cause I was the best new singer there tonight. I wasn't - Jenni S had never performed w/her guitar for an audience before, and she was STELLAR. I mean, WOW. And Agasha- she wasn't new, but the girl can really capture an audience's heart with her soft, whispery melodies.
The key element? I had surprised them. They've known me for a year or two now, and several people professed to being utterly surprised that I could sing (how my constant humming escaped their notice, I've no idea, but hey). One guy even told me I'd inspired him (he is literally THE QUIETEST person I know. I was surprised to hear two sentences together come out of his mouth) to consider singing in public (from which the public would benefit greatly, if his speaking voice is any indication).
Moral of the story: There's a reason the phrase "the element of surprise" is a cliché. -and- Singing for the right reasons is very worthwhile.
Personal reflections: The past few years had convinced me that my singing voice is mediocre, at best. Decent, solid, I can hit your basic notes, but not anything to write home about.
The past few days have convinced me that even that little bit of talent is worth sharing... delighting the ears of others gives my singing purpose and adds to the variegated beauty of the world- I hope.
over 'n out.
E.O.
I didn't look for it- I was asked. By two people. For Social Justice week's Coffee house event.
It was a lot of fun... the jam session w/Caro beforehand especially.
What was interesting about it though, were people's reactions. To hear them you'd have thought I was Whitney Houston or something. And it's not 'cause I was the best new singer there tonight. I wasn't - Jenni S had never performed w/her guitar for an audience before, and she was STELLAR. I mean, WOW. And Agasha- she wasn't new, but the girl can really capture an audience's heart with her soft, whispery melodies.
The key element? I had surprised them. They've known me for a year or two now, and several people professed to being utterly surprised that I could sing (how my constant humming escaped their notice, I've no idea, but hey). One guy even told me I'd inspired him (he is literally THE QUIETEST person I know. I was surprised to hear two sentences together come out of his mouth) to consider singing in public (from which the public would benefit greatly, if his speaking voice is any indication).
Moral of the story: There's a reason the phrase "the element of surprise" is a cliché. -and- Singing for the right reasons is very worthwhile.
Personal reflections: The past few years had convinced me that my singing voice is mediocre, at best. Decent, solid, I can hit your basic notes, but not anything to write home about.
The past few days have convinced me that even that little bit of talent is worth sharing... delighting the ears of others gives my singing purpose and adds to the variegated beauty of the world- I hope.
over 'n out.
E.O.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Concentration
So... for some reason, I seem completely unable to focus today.
Ugh. It's driving me batty.
There are THINGS. Things to be DONE. And they are not getting done because I can't make myself concentrate on them.
UGH.
may your day be better than mine.
E.O.
Ugh. It's driving me batty.
There are THINGS. Things to be DONE. And they are not getting done because I can't make myself concentrate on them.
UGH.
may your day be better than mine.
E.O.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Challenges
1. JJipp & Skip talking about Isaiah 56-58.
lament > imaginative hope > active mission
2. Buddy's exhortation based in Nightlight and Judges 6
"go in the strength you have" and save the oppressed
"I don't think your generation will stand for it."
3. Dr. Ramachandra at the Veritas Forum
"what is your community doing to help people like me who are putting their lives on the line for human rights?" the students in Cairo are fighting.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.
5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for people to humble themselves?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD?
lament > imaginative hope > active mission
2. Buddy's exhortation based in Nightlight and Judges 6
"go in the strength you have" and save the oppressed
"I don't think your generation will stand for it."
3. Dr. Ramachandra at the Veritas Forum
"what is your community doing to help people like me who are putting their lives on the line for human rights?" the students in Cairo are fighting.
As for social justice/human rights:
I fully acknowledge that there are things that are just plain wrong both with the world and going on in the world. It hurts me to hear about war, sex trafficking, famine, genocide, cruelty, the pain of my fellow human beings. However, my typical response is "that's too big for me". I am so small, what possible difference could anything I do or have to say make? How could I make a unique contribution to the wars already going on against slavery, oppression, hunger, and just injustice in general? I fear being overwhelmed and losing. So I compromise with myself and think "well, I'll help whoever I encounter in my daily life. You know, like Jesus said in that one parable, help my neighbor. Without going too much out of my way, of course."
Lately though. Lately, those responses are just not good enough anymore. Scripture is so convicting!
- In Judges 6 God says to Gideon "go in the strength you have and save Israel from Midian".
- In John 14 Jesus says "You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father.Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!"
- In Joshua 1, God says to Joshua "This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
- Hebrews 12 says "Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."
and so forth and so on throughout myriads of scriptures.
And let's face it. After a lifetime of finding my identity and sustenance in my faith in Jesus Christ, I fear and trust God more than I fear being bone-weary, burnt out, or losing a battle. "go in the strength you have and save Israel from Midian". I also think that these battles are SO VERY WORTHWHILE. If I do actually believe that God created mankind in his image and loves each person equally, and that I am to love like Jesus did, then fighting these battles could be the most worthwhile thing I would ever do! I've said I don't want to be a missionary because I don't want to go into something that important just because it's the only way I knew how to be an adult. But I also don't want to go into academia just to satisfy a) a social construct and b) my curiosity. I want to do something with purpose!
I need to reframe: instead of thinking of it as fighting an entire war start thinking of it as fighting a battle. "...so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience..." Colossians 1.
There are a lot of wrongs that need to be gainsaid in the world. All that remains is to find a good gap and go stand in it.
peace.
E.O.You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.
5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for people to humble themselves?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD?
6 “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Another Patternful Weekend
Seriously, you guys. I don't do this on purpose!! It just happens when I don't care how I look.
IN other news, (well- news....) It's looking like my typical Saturday = pick-everything-up-day
is turning into a
clean up/take the trash out/clean the kitchen/cook/do laundry/avoid cleaning the bathroom day.
Which is a far cry from just picking up the random clothes and papers that had a wild party in my room while I was out.
Maintenance is tough, y'all. I heard someone say yesterday that our generation is one of the first to not spend tons of time outdoors. Which seems foolish, 'cause YOU DON'T HAVE TO CLEAN THE WOODS. Just sayin'.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
this study grows along the paths which birds fly ~
A bird in flight is always a soul-lifting sight.
Watch for the hawk
the sparrow
the gull
a robin or a piper: seeing them soar or flit (as the case may be) will surely gladden your eyes (the eyes that connect directly with your soul) and make you smile.
A bird in flight is a picture of joy.
~ and if it grows along the paths which birds fly,
then this study is simple, powerful, attractive, and beautifully designed.
Cognition Assignment -see why i love it?
- school teacher
- lived in the same town for 40 years
- recently became amnesic (anterograde).
6:01AM - Woke up and got dressed for school. Birds were chirping outside my window.
6:10AM - Found myself in the kitchen, fully dressed. Not sure why I wrote that I woke up at 6:01...
6:30AM - Talked with my daughter, Trisha, about how I'll get to school today. She seemed sad.
7:40AM - Just woke up. Don't know why I slept so late. It's Tuesday, I ought to be at school. Trisha says it's a holiday, but it's not, it's a Tuesday.
aand so forth and so on. I think I'll finish this in the AM... I'm so bad at staying up late for brain-work. :/ The ground just started to sway a little. T.T
Monday, February 14, 2011
just fyi
I LOVE MY COGNITION CLASS!!
So. Much.
Every time the prof pauses and asks for questions, my initial gut reaction is to raise my hand and say "WOAH. THIS IS SO COOL. This is AMAZING!!"
Which would make me a super nerd. But I don't care. It's just to fantastically fascinating and bizarre and amazing.
...aaand I just spent a full two minutes laughing at the strangeness of an experiment demonstrating how humans' visual-memory system works. Nerd. ^^
So. Much.
Every time the prof pauses and asks for questions, my initial gut reaction is to raise my hand and say "WOAH. THIS IS SO COOL. This is AMAZING!!"
Which would make me a super nerd. But I don't care. It's just to fantastically fascinating and bizarre and amazing.
...aaand I just spent a full two minutes laughing at the strangeness of an experiment demonstrating how humans' visual-memory system works. Nerd. ^^
Friday, February 11, 2011
Best Friday
Began the day with
0. deciding that every Friday from now until the end of the semester I would take as a) a partial sabbath (in general) and b) a complete sabbath from methods work.
1. the heat at my apartment being fixed.
2. reading a fascinating novel for my korean history class.
Proceeded to hang out with:
3. Emily, at the thrift store
4. G.H. (a surprise, as I was leaving Emily's place)
5. Grace (also a surprise- I had forgotten we were gonna have lunch)
6. Stacey, Karen, Bethaney, and Onyi
Then
7. went to a thoroughly pleasant work meeting and
8. went to hang out some more with Bethaney, Stacey, and Onyi, with the addition of Trisha (and had some deep-ish conversation to boot).
After which
9. toodled around on the piano @ the music school (no more piano-aphasia! woohoo!!)
10. made delicious (!) thai noodle dinner from scratch while
11. listening to a fun/funny audiobook.
I could not ask for a better Friday. And what's more- there are many more wonderful Fridays to come! =) I just HAD to document it, so I'll remember.
0. deciding that every Friday from now until the end of the semester I would take as a) a partial sabbath (in general) and b) a complete sabbath from methods work.
1. the heat at my apartment being fixed.
2. reading a fascinating novel for my korean history class.
Proceeded to hang out with:
3. Emily, at the thrift store
4. G.H. (a surprise, as I was leaving Emily's place)
5. Grace (also a surprise- I had forgotten we were gonna have lunch)
6. Stacey, Karen, Bethaney, and Onyi
Then
7. went to a thoroughly pleasant work meeting and
8. went to hang out some more with Bethaney, Stacey, and Onyi, with the addition of Trisha (and had some deep-ish conversation to boot).
After which
9. toodled around on the piano @ the music school (no more piano-aphasia! woohoo!!)
10. made delicious (!) thai noodle dinner from scratch while
11. listening to a fun/funny audiobook.
I could not ask for a better Friday. And what's more- there are many more wonderful Fridays to come! =) I just HAD to document it, so I'll remember.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Methods Madness
Do you feel the urge to throttle Dr. B? To run out of class and jump out of a third-floor window? To scream at the top of your lungs until you go hoarse? To cry and give up and just get an F in the class already with an "eff that"? 'Cause I do. But you know what I'm doing with all of that?
I'm putting it in a box like this:
Sealing said box with duct-tape like this:
And marking "OPEN IN APRIL" on the top in black sharpie.
Just so you know- I'm really unsure of what might happen in April when I open that box. :S
It may all have dissipated by then... or it may express itself in crazy bouts of the abovementioned escape-behaviors, or some kind of mourning behavior (think PTSD) - I'm really hoping for the first option.
But for now. It is all in a box. A closed box, the closing of which will allow me to complete my extremely specific, micromanaged, almost-insurmountable tasks with ease and aplomb.
I realize it's not healthy, but... we do what we have to.
Tally ho!
~E.O.
I'm putting it in a box like this:
Sealing said box with duct-tape like this:
And marking "OPEN IN APRIL" on the top in black sharpie.
Just so you know- I'm really unsure of what might happen in April when I open that box. :S
It may all have dissipated by then... or it may express itself in crazy bouts of the abovementioned escape-behaviors, or some kind of mourning behavior (think PTSD) - I'm really hoping for the first option.
But for now. It is all in a box. A closed box, the closing of which will allow me to complete my extremely specific, micromanaged, almost-insurmountable tasks with ease and aplomb.
I realize it's not healthy, but... we do what we have to.
Tally ho!
~E.O.
Missionary Stereotype
Many thanks to the brilliant Mr. Don Newby. I am remembering your songs and my past this night, and am grateful that you put this in your album, as it has always struck a chord with me.
Missionary Stereotype
"Well maybe to you I look just right;
a missionary stereotype:
Old-fashioned clothes and hair and shoes,
I live a life that you'd never choose.
I'm never tempted and I constantly pray,
read my bible twenty-four hours a day
(which naturally is King James, black,
it's pages worn and its cover cracked).
Well I won 2,000 souls last week,
I'm always patient, kind, and meek.
My wife and I, we never fight;
our kids don't sin, our dog won't bite.
We dine on canned goods and monkey meat,
runnin' round the jungle in bare feet.
The natives like to call me b'wana.
I lost my finger once to a piranha.
Oh, but here I am, Lord,
You can send me. Help the world begin to see.
Here I am, Lord, your command is my goal,
to reach the lost and needy soul.
Well if you think that this is all true,
I have got some news for you:
A missionary is just like you or me,
he ain't got no super-spirituality.
He's got temptations and problems too.
He needs God's strength just as much as you.
But most of all this life that you see
is one of simple availability.
So here I am, Lord, you can send me.
Help the world begin to see.
Here I am, Lord, your command is my goal,
to reach the lost and needy soul."
~Don Newby.
Missionary Stereotype
"Well maybe to you I look just right;
a missionary stereotype:
Old-fashioned clothes and hair and shoes,
I live a life that you'd never choose.
I'm never tempted and I constantly pray,
read my bible twenty-four hours a day
(which naturally is King James, black,
it's pages worn and its cover cracked).
Well I won 2,000 souls last week,
I'm always patient, kind, and meek.
My wife and I, we never fight;
our kids don't sin, our dog won't bite.
We dine on canned goods and monkey meat,
runnin' round the jungle in bare feet.
The natives like to call me b'wana.
I lost my finger once to a piranha.
Oh, but here I am, Lord,
You can send me. Help the world begin to see.
Here I am, Lord, your command is my goal,
to reach the lost and needy soul.
Well if you think that this is all true,
I have got some news for you:
A missionary is just like you or me,
he ain't got no super-spirituality.
He's got temptations and problems too.
He needs God's strength just as much as you.
But most of all this life that you see
is one of simple availability.
So here I am, Lord, you can send me.
Help the world begin to see.
Here I am, Lord, your command is my goal,
to reach the lost and needy soul."
~Don Newby.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Confusion
Question 1: What did I do to deserve so many married/engaged/pregnant friends?? JL, MR, KH, AJ, EQ, AE, and DH. Are we really that old? That grown-up?! Will the epidemic ever cease?
Question 2: What did I do to deserve to overhear two (clearly native) speakers of Catalan in the bathroom today discussing uber-personal stuff? Gut reactions: a) OMG you speak Catalan, who are you/what's your story/how do you feel about the US/*melt-into-a-happy-puddle-of-curiosity* b)Um... this is really awkward. - How am I supposed to field that?
That's it for now. Ich melde mich später wenn's noch mehr gibt. Until then-
tschüss!
E.O.
Question 2: What did I do to deserve to overhear two (clearly native) speakers of Catalan in the bathroom today discussing uber-personal stuff? Gut reactions: a) OMG you speak Catalan, who are you/what's your story/how do you feel about the US/*melt-into-a-happy-puddle-of-curiosity* b)Um... this is really awkward. - How am I supposed to field that?
That's it for now. Ich melde mich später wenn's noch mehr gibt. Until then-
tschüss!
E.O.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Moral of the story: always examine your seashells carefully
So today I was looking desperately for something to do other than finishing studying for a quiz I have on tuesday and LOOK WHAT I FOUND! It was inside one of the big olive shells, just rattling around. It's like delicately shaped mica. My attempt to pull it out with the lead of a mechanical pencil actually broke it a little.
Creativity
When I feel like making something pretty on a piece of paper, it's always words and not pictures that come out. Look at this one, for example (I quite like it):
My love for language and the fun I have playing with it sometimes borders on the ridiculous. Someone told me on Friday that I "talk poetic." When I asked what on earth that meant, she said that I always use the right words, and say things well. Then she asked if I considered myself a writer, and I told her I considered myself good at writing, but not a writer. Writers have Something to Say. I do not, not yet. I realize that confining myself to writing when I have Something To Say might be problematic- for instance, if the world doesn't agree that my "something" is important and pay attention, I might experience some, er... distress. Still, I can't help but think of it that way- I'm good at putting words together; but that doesn't mean that I have a purpose for that skill. And I am a firm believer in doing everything with purpose.
Anyway. Hope you enjoy my "art".
E.O.
in other news, i wonder sometimes what my neighbors must think about the girl who's constantly singing next door. in my personal opinion, it's a nicer sound than say, people bumping around upstairs or dogs barking. but then again, i might be a teensy bit biased. xD
My love for language and the fun I have playing with it sometimes borders on the ridiculous. Someone told me on Friday that I "talk poetic." When I asked what on earth that meant, she said that I always use the right words, and say things well. Then she asked if I considered myself a writer, and I told her I considered myself good at writing, but not a writer. Writers have Something to Say. I do not, not yet. I realize that confining myself to writing when I have Something To Say might be problematic- for instance, if the world doesn't agree that my "something" is important and pay attention, I might experience some, er... distress. Still, I can't help but think of it that way- I'm good at putting words together; but that doesn't mean that I have a purpose for that skill. And I am a firm believer in doing everything with purpose.
Anyway. Hope you enjoy my "art".
E.O.
in other news, i wonder sometimes what my neighbors must think about the girl who's constantly singing next door. in my personal opinion, it's a nicer sound than say, people bumping around upstairs or dogs barking. but then again, i might be a teensy bit biased. xD
Saturday, February 5, 2011
methods report = jigsaw puzzle
jigsaw-puzzle successfully avoided for 2h. It is now time to stick my nose on the grindstone and make things happen.
time to clobber some ideas into shape!
3- 2- 1- go!
Confessions of a College Student
On weekends or when no-one is going to see me, I like to dress in the brightest-colored garments I own. Think purple or pink pants, sky blue sweatshirts, neon orange socks, grass-green shirts, or magenta vests. Nevermind sophies or school sweatshirts or oversized white T-shirts. THE MORE COLORFUL THE BETTER. It's like someone poured the United Colors of Benetton logo into my brain and my secret identity is therefore that of an easter egg.
Also- in winter, this effect is exacerbated by the lack of color outside my windows. If the outside world isn't green and gorgeous, I feel the need to fix that by clothing my extremities with color.
Today: purple sweatpants, white-and-green striped long-sleeve shirt (think where's waldo, but green), pink, green, white, and black striped slippers. I was wearing one striped and one flower-patterned sock, but then it got too warm. :P
time to clobber some ideas into shape!
3- 2- 1- go!
Confessions of a College Student
On weekends or when no-one is going to see me, I like to dress in the brightest-colored garments I own. Think purple or pink pants, sky blue sweatshirts, neon orange socks, grass-green shirts, or magenta vests. Nevermind sophies or school sweatshirts or oversized white T-shirts. THE MORE COLORFUL THE BETTER. It's like someone poured the United Colors of Benetton logo into my brain and my secret identity is therefore that of an easter egg.
Also- in winter, this effect is exacerbated by the lack of color outside my windows. If the outside world isn't green and gorgeous, I feel the need to fix that by clothing my extremities with color.
Today: purple sweatpants, white-and-green striped long-sleeve shirt (think where's waldo, but green), pink, green, white, and black striped slippers. I was wearing one striped and one flower-patterned sock, but then it got too warm. :P
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
easing the strain of psychology
Korean History is going to be my "relax" class. I can tell. I'm soooo so so so glad I signed up for it. Even if it is a COMPLETELY different way of thinking that I'm not used to, so I end up sounding dumb. I don't mind. It's different. It's engaging. It's sanity-saving, particularly when I can't find anything funny or distracting on the internet.
=)
Yay for Modern Korean History!
p.s.: also, please no comments on my not finding funny/distracting things on the internet. it's more like, I feel like I should be being productive, or putting something useful in my head but can't stand any more psych. :P
E.O.
=)
Yay for Modern Korean History!
p.s.: also, please no comments on my not finding funny/distracting things on the internet. it's more like, I feel like I should be being productive, or putting something useful in my head but can't stand any more psych. :P
E.O.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
lux aurumque
Today was full of:
colorful brain-diagrams
writer's block
reflection
tea-cakes and winter-y-spring walks
golden sun & leftover brown leaves
reading and laughter
phone numbers
God
modern Korean history
fresh air
but most of all light like Dandelion Wine and the lazy-calm of a full, happy Sunday.
colorful brain-diagrams
writer's block
reflection
tea-cakes and winter-y-spring walks
golden sun & leftover brown leaves
reading and laughter
phone numbers
God
modern Korean history
fresh air
but most of all light like Dandelion Wine and the lazy-calm of a full, happy Sunday.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Krapfen
p.s.: so I was looking at some blog stats, and apparently people search the word "krapfen". A lot. Which just made me laugh for like 2 minutes straight. So, if you were looking for krapfen, here you go:
krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen
There. Search away, browsers! Hehehehe.
And one for the road:
KRAPFEN
they really are extremely tasty.
over 'n out.
E.O.
krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen krapfen
There. Search away, browsers! Hehehehe.
And one for the road:
KRAPFEN
they really are extremely tasty.
over 'n out.
E.O.
The general, all-encompassing word that comes to mind for my state of mind when attempting to design a strategy for making it through my methods class is just this:
overwhelming
But I shall devise a strategy. There will be a strategy for the critique and a strategy for the lab and I will plod through this mess.
And in the meantime, I will bake as much as is necessary to calm my nerves.
overwhelming
But I shall devise a strategy. There will be a strategy for the critique and a strategy for the lab and I will plod through this mess.
And in the meantime, I will bake as much as is necessary to calm my nerves.
- popcorn, check.
- regular bread, check.
- focaccia bread, check.
- cookies - tbd.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Semester's Goal
Love is patient
love is kind
it does not envy,
it does not boast.
Love is not proud,
it is not rude
it is not self-seeking.
Love is not easily angered,
keeps no record of wrongs,
love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices in the truth.
Love always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
And I shall endeavor to love Dr. B., such that I may send her an e-mail at the end of the semester, saying as much, and expressing my hope that it has, at least partially, made up for the stupidity, cheating, and misconduct she endured last semester. As very, very difficult as that may be.
signed,
E.O.
love is kind
it does not envy,
it does not boast.
Love is not proud,
it is not rude
it is not self-seeking.
Love is not easily angered,
keeps no record of wrongs,
love does not delight in evil,
but rejoices in the truth.
Love always protects,
always trusts,
always hopes,
always perseveres.
And I shall endeavor to love Dr. B., such that I may send her an e-mail at the end of the semester, saying as much, and expressing my hope that it has, at least partially, made up for the stupidity, cheating, and misconduct she endured last semester. As very, very difficult as that may be.
signed,
E.O.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Unreasonable Wishes
I made a mistake a few weeks ago. I pulled my favorite notebook ever out of storage, where I had kept it, thinking "I could use it again, someday".
Why is this a mistake, you're wondering. After all, she is using it, as she had intended to, instead of leaving it stored in some random spot forever and a day.
You see, the problem is- I LOVE this notebook. In my estimation, it is just the way a notebook should be: a heavy, brightly colored cardboard cover, wirebound with a single spiral of wire, pleasantly thick pages with a colorful border, divided into 5x5 mm squares in which to write- so that if, on some occasion, you feel you'd rather write in a landscape rather than portrait orientation, you are free so to do.
If you divide them up into their elements, that makes eight specifications. Had I known when I bought this notebook, how rare it is to find all of those qualities together in this way, I would have bought several more of them for later use.
So I've been doing something silly. I've been looking online for this particular brand and specification of notebook. Apparently, this brand originates in France, and the particular variation of notebook to which I have so irrationally become aesthetically attached is sold only in Spain. The brand doesn't even sell outside of Europe. At all. And the notebooks themselves are made in the countries in which they are sold (I guess at least I have a good nose for home-grown products? xD). Moreover, they cost a pretty penny now - though as I recall, I got the one I currently own, as well as one other of its kind for quite cheap.
Sigh. And there ends my dream of buying ten of these lovely little creations and just having them shipped over here so that I don't have to run out when this one poor, left-over specimen is filled.
:P
After all, this is a new country, and they do things differently here. It's really just sort of funny to me that I feel about these notebooks how I used to feel about peanut butter or waffles.
peace.
~E.O.
Why is this a mistake, you're wondering. After all, she is using it, as she had intended to, instead of leaving it stored in some random spot forever and a day.
You see, the problem is- I LOVE this notebook. In my estimation, it is just the way a notebook should be: a heavy, brightly colored cardboard cover, wirebound with a single spiral of wire, pleasantly thick pages with a colorful border, divided into 5x5 mm squares in which to write- so that if, on some occasion, you feel you'd rather write in a landscape rather than portrait orientation, you are free so to do.
If you divide them up into their elements, that makes eight specifications. Had I known when I bought this notebook, how rare it is to find all of those qualities together in this way, I would have bought several more of them for later use.
So I've been doing something silly. I've been looking online for this particular brand and specification of notebook. Apparently, this brand originates in France, and the particular variation of notebook to which I have so irrationally become aesthetically attached is sold only in Spain. The brand doesn't even sell outside of Europe. At all. And the notebooks themselves are made in the countries in which they are sold (I guess at least I have a good nose for home-grown products? xD). Moreover, they cost a pretty penny now - though as I recall, I got the one I currently own, as well as one other of its kind for quite cheap.
Sigh. And there ends my dream of buying ten of these lovely little creations and just having them shipped over here so that I don't have to run out when this one poor, left-over specimen is filled.
:P
After all, this is a new country, and they do things differently here. It's really just sort of funny to me that I feel about these notebooks how I used to feel about peanut butter or waffles.
peace.
~E.O.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
dream big (?)
i have been developing a bucket list. this is it so far:
1. see the aurora borealis. in person.*
2. learn how to blow glass fairly well.*
3. build an igloo.*
4. See Stonhenge in person.
5. Breed beta fish, just once.
6. Go to mass in the Sagrada Familia
7. travel to: Madagascar*, Iceland, Australia*, Korea, the Ivory Coast, Mongolia. For starters.
8. learn how to whittle/carve
9. see the California redwoods. (done!)
The ones with * are the ones I'm most adamant about. This MUST happen before I die.
1. see the aurora borealis. in person.*
2. learn how to blow glass fairly well.*
3. build an igloo.*
4. See Stonhenge in person.
5. Breed beta fish, just once.
6. Go to mass in the Sagrada Familia
7. travel to: Madagascar*, Iceland, Australia*, Korea, the Ivory Coast, Mongolia. For starters.
8. learn how to whittle/carve
9. see the California redwoods. (done!)
The ones with * are the ones I'm most adamant about. This MUST happen before I die.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
doltishness
::For a summary of this entry (if you'd rather not hear me whine) skip to the last sentence::
The older I get, the more I realize how much of a dolt and an idiot I really am. This amazing phenomenon alternately called time and age is also teaching me that there isn't anything that spectacular or special about me - except perhaps my particular brand of idiocy.
What sparks these reflections, you ask? Among other things, my inability to articulate what a confound variable is, or why it is difficult to be objective in Psychology; my inability to understand the terms functionalism and Functionalism, how they connect, and how to apply them to different scenarios; and my inability to answer the question of whether or not Functionalism would be an adequate way of describing cockroach intelligence.
My brain feels muddled and slow compared to that of my peers, which is not usually the case- and I didn't even know it had gotten that way! Ugh! Mind you, I realize that the above are not the easiest, most commonplace tasks in the world, but it's not like I haven't been exposed to those ideas! I had gone into those classes Prepared. I had done the homework. I had done the readings. I just couldn't keep up with the verfluchte lectures.
But I am wondering if perhaps I am simply out of practice because of vacation, or if I hadn't prepared enough. Or is it a matter of habits of thinking, am I more used to different types of mental exercise? Or is my brain really getting duller as time passes?
Ahem. What it boils down to is that I just despise feeling stupid or not "getting it".
good gracious, this is going to be an interesting semester.
over 'n out.
E.O.
The older I get, the more I realize how much of a dolt and an idiot I really am. This amazing phenomenon alternately called time and age is also teaching me that there isn't anything that spectacular or special about me - except perhaps my particular brand of idiocy.
What sparks these reflections, you ask? Among other things, my inability to articulate what a confound variable is, or why it is difficult to be objective in Psychology; my inability to understand the terms functionalism and Functionalism, how they connect, and how to apply them to different scenarios; and my inability to answer the question of whether or not Functionalism would be an adequate way of describing cockroach intelligence.
My brain feels muddled and slow compared to that of my peers, which is not usually the case- and I didn't even know it had gotten that way! Ugh! Mind you, I realize that the above are not the easiest, most commonplace tasks in the world, but it's not like I haven't been exposed to those ideas! I had gone into those classes Prepared. I had done the homework. I had done the readings. I just couldn't keep up with the verfluchte lectures.
But I am wondering if perhaps I am simply out of practice because of vacation, or if I hadn't prepared enough. Or is it a matter of habits of thinking, am I more used to different types of mental exercise? Or is my brain really getting duller as time passes?
Ahem. What it boils down to is that I just despise feeling stupid or not "getting it".
good gracious, this is going to be an interesting semester.
over 'n out.
E.O.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
If thou could'st empty all thyself of self
"If thou could'st empty all thyself of self,
Like to a shell dishabited,
Then might He find thee on the ocean shelf,
And say, 'This is not dead',
And fill thee with Himself instead.
But thou art all replete with very thou
And hast such shrewd activity,
That when He comes, He says, 'This is enow
Unto itself - 'twere better let it be,
It is so small and full, there is no room for me."
By Sir Thomas Browne
This has been quite on my mind lately. Read it in "A Ring of Endless Light" by Madeleine L'Engle once upon a time.
Stumped
I'm stumped. As the title of this post so elegantly puts it.
I spent several days at the beach, and collected a whole keel-full of shells. I think they are some of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I can (apparently - this is a recent discovery) sit on the floor for hours just organizing and re-organizing them into categories - just for the excuse of handling and looking at them.
And having brought them back and having nothing useful to do with them, I want to give them to my friends so that they can share in the beauty of them. Only I have realized, from past endeavors of this sort, that not everybody cares for shells as much as I do.
So I have a dilemma. Do I just give a shell to everybody, and hope that, even if they don't like the shell, they'll appreciate the gift/thought? Or do I attach a note explaining what I think about the shells? I couldn't figure it out. I even typed up a sample note. See?
But I just can't bring myself to spend all that postage-money if people won't care? Maybe? But then I get so caught up in seeing how beautiful they are that I can't imagine someone not being absolutely delighted on opening their mailbox and seeing a seashell in it. Sigh.
Don't worry, H and Ms, you're getting some, no matter what I decide about everyone else.
I spent several days at the beach, and collected a whole keel-full of shells. I think they are some of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I can (apparently - this is a recent discovery) sit on the floor for hours just organizing and re-organizing them into categories - just for the excuse of handling and looking at them.
And having brought them back and having nothing useful to do with them, I want to give them to my friends so that they can share in the beauty of them. Only I have realized, from past endeavors of this sort, that not everybody cares for shells as much as I do.
So I have a dilemma. Do I just give a shell to everybody, and hope that, even if they don't like the shell, they'll appreciate the gift/thought? Or do I attach a note explaining what I think about the shells? I couldn't figure it out. I even typed up a sample note. See?
"You may or may not like shells as much as I do- you may not care much about them at all. So let me explain. If I'm giving you these shells, it's both because I have seen something of divine design in you, and because that has made my life more beautiful. They are for you because I want you to remember that.
Some of the shells are whole, some broken. I call the broken ones "beautiful pieces" - because even the shell of a shell is beautiful, both with the original beauty and a new one that comes from being broken.
So- I hope you like the shells for their own sake."
But I just can't bring myself to spend all that postage-money if people won't care? Maybe? But then I get so caught up in seeing how beautiful they are that I can't imagine someone not being absolutely delighted on opening their mailbox and seeing a seashell in it. Sigh.
Don't worry, H and Ms, you're getting some, no matter what I decide about everyone else.
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