Burnout

Burnout makes me see better, feel more.
The more mentally exhausted I am from school, the clearer I see my surroundings.
In avoiding writing a paper, I see the amazing color and polish of a wooden chair, complete with dark flecks.
In avoiding thinking of my next assignment, I notice the intense green-on-black of trees in spring...
how the air feels soft around me like a blanket... or silky like water in a swimming pool, only exquisitely thinner.
And when I intentionally rest and refrain from doing (more) schoolwork, taking a break for the brain, I have so much love for smaller things...
like cleaning my room
standing in my kitchen and
opening a cupboard
laying on my back on the floor and just
looking around,
noticing how the light falls on things.

When I am burnt out, going grocery shopping feels like a treat; when I am burnt out going thrifting is the epitome of bliss. When my brain cannot take it anymore, it willingly and happily gives way to my body's practicality and just -

floats...
along...

floats along.

It's an oddly pleasurable state of mind, like when you've been carrying a big ol' backpack around and you take it off - for the next few seconds, the relief makes you feel almost weightless. And in these moments, I'm ok with being thoughtless... - until I realize that's unkind, and gradually my state of mind returns to normal and my thoughts return in full force, like a driving gale, pushing toward the next period of growth and travail.
But for now, I feel weightless, thoughtless, mindless... happy just to drift.
And unwilling to sit down to my next shift of schoolwork, 'cause baby, finals isn't over yet; it's hardly begun.

Cheers.
E.O.