It's that time of the semester

~Warning~ Whiny complaining ahead.
also - victory note - at this point, I have eaten my pride and written 6 pages of terribly organized semi-drivel that I will turn in along with at least 4 more this afternoon at 5PM. This is probably the worst I have ever behaved (or written) when trying to write a paper for college. Yikes!

Every semester there is at least one. One paper that causes me to feel the following:
I HATE THIS STUPID F*ING PAPER!!!!!!!!
I just want to WRITE. SOMETHING. Something that is semi-intelligible and turn-in-able!!

This one in particular is only 20% of my grade, and the prof is lenient, so if I just turn in SOMEthing that proves that I have been working on this for weeks at a time (which I have) then I will pass the class with a fairly decent grade. Heck, I could turn NOTHING in and get a B. But I am not the kind of student who can turn in nothing, or even who can turn in something that she knows the prof will read and think "Really? You thought an intelligent person could read this without their brains hurting?"

I have been staring at the information I've collected for this particular paper for... let me think... well, I've been staring REALLY hard for about a week and a half now. And by staring really hard I mean looking at the information, trying to make sense of it, running up against a wall, going to check facebook, going back to looking at my info, trying to make sense of it, running up against a wall, walking away to clear my head *repeat*. For hours. Occasionally I'll get some kind of little breakthrough, and do some discourse analysis. But mostly I'll finish 4-5h of work having analyzed one measly little thing that might not even cohere with the rest of the project, utterly discouraged and exhausted. I am TRYING, honest to goodness. But my brain just will. not. synthesize this stuff into something coherent. I have dedicated four of my days, and countless half-days in the past week and a half to trying to get this going SOMEwhere, including today. And you see what I'm doing? I'm writing a blog post about my frustration. Argh!!!!
I HATE THIS STUPID F*ING PAPER!!
Could I be any clearer? No, I thought not.
It's two thirty, I haven't eaten since breakfast, and I'm hungry, but honestly I don't care (which if you know me will tell you just how desperate this has become) because I just want to write SOMETHING. Something intelligible, intelligent, and turn-in-able. Just a freaking START.
And it is that precise determination that is going to force my synapses to get it together already.
One-two-three-GO!

Two-and-a-half hours later, I have three and a half pages. I am averaging a writing speed of 1 page/hour y'all! Praise God. Things were getting ugly.