Redemptive Song

Today I sang in public again.
I didn't look for it- I was asked. By two people. For Social Justice week's Coffee house event.
It was a lot of fun... the jam session w/Caro beforehand especially.
What was interesting about it though, were people's reactions. To hear them you'd have thought I was Whitney Houston or something. And it's not 'cause I was the best new singer there tonight. I wasn't - Jenni S had never performed w/her guitar for an audience before, and she was STELLAR. I mean, WOW. And Agasha- she wasn't new, but the girl can really capture an audience's heart with her soft, whispery melodies.
The key element? I had surprised them. They've known me for a year or two now, and several people professed to being utterly surprised that I could sing (how my constant humming escaped their notice, I've no idea, but hey). One guy even told me I'd inspired him (he is literally THE QUIETEST person I know. I was surprised to hear two sentences together come out of his mouth) to consider singing in public (from which the public would benefit greatly, if his speaking voice is any indication).

Moral of the story: There's a reason the phrase "the element of surprise" is a cliché. -and- Singing for the right reasons is very worthwhile.

Personal reflections: The past few years had convinced me that my singing voice is mediocre, at best. Decent, solid, I can hit your basic notes, but not anything to write home about.
The past few days have convinced me that even that little bit of talent is worth sharing... delighting the ears of others gives my singing purpose and adds to the variegated beauty of the world- I hope.

over 'n out.
E.O.

Concentration

So... for some reason, I seem completely unable to focus today.
Ugh. It's driving me batty.
There are THINGS. Things to be DONE. And they are not getting done because I can't make myself concentrate on them.
UGH.

may your day be better than mine.
E.O.

Challenges

1. JJipp & Skip talking about Isaiah 56-58.
lament > imaginative hope > active mission
2. Buddy's exhortation based in Nightlight and Judges 6
"go in the strength you have" and save the oppressed
"I don't think your generation will stand for it."
3. Dr. Ramachandra at the Veritas Forum
"what is your community doing to help people like me who are putting their lives on the line for human rights?" the students in Cairo are fighting.

As for social justice/human rights:

I fully acknowledge that there are things that are just plain wrong both with the world and going on in the world. It hurts me to hear about war, sex trafficking, famine, genocide, cruelty, the pain of my fellow human beings. However, my typical response is "that's too big for me". I am so small, what possible difference could anything I do or have to say make? How could I make a unique contribution to the wars already going on against slavery, oppression, hunger, and just injustice in general? I fear being overwhelmed and losing. So I compromise with myself and think "well, I'll help whoever I encounter in my daily life. You know, like Jesus said in that one parable, help my neighbor. Without going too much out of my way, of course."

Lately though. Lately, those responses are just not good enough anymore. Scripture is so convicting!

• In Judges 6 God says to Gideon "go in the strength you have and save Israel from Midian".
• In John 14 Jesus says "You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father.Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!"
• In Joshua 1, God says to Joshua "This is my command—be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."
• Hebrews 12 says "Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed."

and so forth and so on throughout myriads of scriptures.

And let's face it. After a lifetime of finding my identity and sustenance in my faith in Jesus Christ, I fear and trust God more than I fear being bone-weary, burnt out, or losing a battle. "go in the strength you have and save Israel from Midian". I also think that these battles are SO VERY WORTHWHILE. If I do actually believe that God created mankind in his image and loves each person equally, and that I am to love like Jesus did, then fighting these battles could be the most worthwhile thing I would ever do! I've said I don't want to be a missionary because I don't want to go into something that important just because it's the only way I knew how to be an adult. But I also don't want to go into academia just to satisfy a) a social construct and b) my curiosity. I want to do something with purpose!

I need to reframe: instead of thinking of it as fighting an entire war start thinking of it as fighting a battle. "...so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience..." Colossians 1.

There are a lot of wrongs that need to be gainsaid in the world. All that remains is to find a good gap and go stand in it.

peace.

E.O.

You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.
⁵ Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for people to humble themselves?
Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed
and for lying in sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD?

⁶ “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
⁹ Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

Another Patternful Weekend

Seriously, you guys. I don't do this on purpose!! It just happens when I don't care how I look.






IN other news, (well- news....) It's looking like my typical Saturday = pick-everything-up-day
is turning into a
clean up/take the trash out/clean the kitchen/cook/do laundry/avoid cleaning the bathroom day.
Which is a far cry from just picking up the random clothes and papers that had a wild party in my room while I was out.

Maintenance is tough, y'all. I heard someone say yesterday that our generation is one of the first to not spend tons of time outdoors. Which seems foolish, 'cause YOU DON'T HAVE TO CLEAN THE WOODS. Just sayin'.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

this study grows along the paths which birds fly ~
A bird in flight is always a soul-lifting sight.
Watch for the hawk
the sparrow
the gull
a robin or a piper: seeing them soar or flit (as the case may be) will surely gladden your eyes (the eyes that connect directly with your soul) and make you smile.
A bird in flight is a picture of joy.
~ and if it grows along the paths which birds fly,
then this study is simple, powerful, attractive, and beautifully designed.

Cognition Assignment -see why i love it?

• school teacher
• lived in the same town for 40 years
• recently became amnesic (anterograde).

Page 1: Journal.
6:01AM - Woke up and got dressed for school. Birds were chirping outside my window.
6:10AM - Found myself in the kitchen, fully dressed. Not sure why I wrote that I woke up at 6:01...
6:30AM - Talked with my daughter, Trisha, about how I'll get to school today. She seemed sad.
7:40AM - Just woke up. Don't know why I slept so late. It's Tuesday, I ought to be at school. Trisha says it's a holiday, but it's not, it's a Tuesday.

aand so forth and so on. I think I'll finish this in the AM... I'm so bad at staying up late for brain-work. :/ The ground just started to sway a little. T.T

just fyi

I LOVE MY COGNITION CLASS!!
So. Much.
Every time the prof pauses and asks for questions, my initial gut reaction is to raise my hand and say "WOAH. THIS IS SO COOL. This is AMAZING!!"
Which would make me a super nerd. But I don't care. It's just to fantastically fascinating and bizarre and amazing.

...aaand I just spent a full two minutes laughing at the strangeness of an experiment demonstrating how humans' visual-memory system works. Nerd. ^^

Things I have been told I am in recent days:
elusive
brutally honest
addicting
...
these are not ways in which I see myself (except perhaps the second). what gives? and what on earth could possibly be next? xD

Best Friday

Began the day with
0. deciding that every Friday from now until the end of the semester I would take as a) a partial sabbath (in general) and b) a complete sabbath from methods work.
1. the heat at my apartment being fixed.
2. reading a fascinating novel for my korean history class.
Proceeded to hang out with:
3. Emily, at the thrift store
4. G.H. (a surprise, as I was leaving Emily's place)
5. Grace (also a surprise- I had forgotten we were gonna have lunch)
6. Stacey, Karen, Bethaney, and Onyi
Then
7. went to a thoroughly pleasant work meeting and
8. went to hang out some more with Bethaney, Stacey, and Onyi, with the addition of Trisha (and had some deep-ish conversation to boot).
After which
9. toodled around on the piano @ the music school (no more piano-aphasia! woohoo!!)
10. made delicious (!) thai noodle dinner from scratch while
11. listening to a fun/funny audiobook.

I could not ask for a better Friday. And what's more- there are many more wonderful Fridays to come! =) I just HAD to document it, so I'll remember.

Methods Madness

Do you feel the urge to throttle Dr. B? To run out of class and jump out of a third-floor window? To scream at the top of your lungs until you go hoarse? To cry and give up and just get an F in the class already with an "eff that"? 'Cause I do. But you know what I'm doing with all of that?
I'm putting it in a box like this:



























Sealing said box with duct-tape like this:




















And marking "OPEN IN APRIL" on the top in black sharpie.
Just so you know- I'm really unsure of what might happen in April when I open that box. :S
It may all have dissipated by then... or it may express itself in crazy bouts of the abovementioned escape-behaviors, or some kind of mourning behavior (think PTSD) - I'm really hoping for the first option.

But for now. It is all in a box. A closed box, the closing of which will allow me to complete my extremely specific, micromanaged, almost-insurmountable tasks with ease and aplomb.
I realize it's not healthy, but... we do what we have to.
Tally ho!

~E.O.

Missionary Stereotype

Many thanks to the brilliant Mr. Don Newby. I am remembering your songs and my past this night, and am grateful that you put this in your album, as it has always struck a chord with me.

Missionary Stereotype
"Well maybe to you I look just right;
a missionary stereotype:
Old-fashioned clothes and hair and shoes,
I live a life that you'd never choose.
I'm never tempted and I constantly pray,
read my bible twenty-four hours a day
(which naturally is King James, black,
it's pages worn and its cover cracked).

Well I won 2,000 souls last week,
I'm always patient, kind, and meek.
My wife and I, we never fight;
our kids don't sin, our dog won't bite.
We dine on canned goods and monkey meat,
runnin' round the jungle in bare feet.
The natives like to call me b'wana.
I lost my finger once to a piranha.

Oh, but here I am, Lord,
You can send me. Help the world begin to see.
Here I am, Lord, your command is my goal,
to reach the lost and needy soul.

Well if you think that this is all true,
I have got some news for you:
A missionary is just like you or me,
he ain't got no super-spirituality.
He's got temptations and problems too.
He needs God's strength just as much as you.
But most of all this life that you see
is one of simple availability.

So here I am, Lord, you can send me.
Help the world begin to see.
Here I am, Lord, your command is my goal,
to reach the lost and needy soul."

~Don Newby.

Confusion

Question 1: What did I do to deserve so many married/engaged/pregnant friends?? JL, MR, KH, AJ, EQ, AE, and DH. Are we really that old? That grown-up?! Will the epidemic ever cease?

Question 2: What did I do to deserve to overhear two (clearly native) speakers of Catalan in the bathroom today discussing uber-personal stuff? Gut reactions: a) OMG you speak Catalan, who are you/what's your story/how do you feel about the US/*melt-into-a-happy-puddle-of-curiosity* b)Um... this is really awkward. - How am I supposed to field that?

That's it for now. Ich melde mich später wenn's noch mehr gibt. Until then-
tschüss!
E.O.

Moral of the story: always examine your seashells carefully

So today I was looking desperately for something to do other than finishing studying for a quiz I have on tuesday and LOOK WHAT I FOUND! It was inside one of the big olive shells, just rattling around. It's like delicately shaped mica. My attempt to pull it out with the lead of a mechanical pencil actually broke it a little.

Creativity

When I feel like making something pretty on a piece of paper, it's always words and not pictures that come out. Look at this one, for example (I quite like it):



















My love for language and the fun I have playing with it sometimes borders on the ridiculous. Someone told me on Friday that I "talk poetic." When I asked what on earth that meant, she said that I always use the right words, and say things well. Then she asked if I considered myself a writer, and I told her I considered myself good at writing, but not a writer. Writers have Something to Say. I do not, not yet. I realize that confining myself to writing when I have Something To Say might be problematic- for instance, if the world doesn't agree that my "something" is important and pay attention, I might experience some, er... distress. Still, I can't help but think of it that way- I'm good at putting words together; but that doesn't mean that I have a purpose for that skill. And I am a firm believer in doing everything with purpose.
Anyway. Hope you enjoy my "art".
E.O.

in other news, i wonder sometimes what my neighbors must think about the girl who's constantly singing next door. in my personal opinion, it's a nicer sound than say, people bumping around upstairs or dogs barking. but then again, i might be a teensy bit biased. xD

methods report = jigsaw puzzle

jigsaw-puzzle successfully avoided for 2h. It is now time to stick my nose on the grindstone and make things happen.
time to clobber some ideas into shape!
3- 2- 1- go!

Confessions of a College Student
On weekends or when no-one is going to see me, I like to dress in the brightest-colored garments I own. Think purple or pink pants, sky blue sweatshirts, neon orange socks, grass-green shirts, or magenta vests. Nevermind sophies or school sweatshirts or oversized white T-shirts. THE MORE COLORFUL THE BETTER. It's like someone poured the United Colors of Benetton logo into my brain and my secret identity is therefore that of an easter egg.
Also- in winter, this effect is exacerbated by the lack of color outside my windows. If the outside world isn't green and gorgeous, I feel the need to fix that by clothing my extremities with color.
Today: purple sweatpants, white-and-green striped long-sleeve shirt (think where's waldo, but green), pink, green, white, and black striped slippers. I was wearing one striped and one flower-patterned sock, but then it got too warm. :P

easing the strain of psychology

Korean History is going to be my "relax" class. I can tell. I'm soooo so so so glad I signed up for it. Even if it is a COMPLETELY different way of thinking that I'm not used to, so I end up sounding dumb. I don't mind. It's different. It's engaging. It's sanity-saving, particularly when I can't find anything funny or distracting on the internet.
=)
Yay for Modern Korean History!

p.s.: also, please no comments on my not finding funny/distracting things on the internet. it's more like, I feel like I should be being productive, or putting something useful in my head but can't stand any more psych. :P
E.O.